My 2007 Film Awards
By Nareg Torosian
“No Country for Old Men”
The finest work yet from the brothers Coen starts as a white-knuckle thriller
then subtly morphs into a study of mankind's place in an increasingly
violent and chaotic world.
Runner-up: “There Will Be Blood”
Paul Thomas Anderson crafts a majestic, old-school Hollywood epic that
tracks the birth of a capitalist nation through the efforts of a ruthless
man in the oil business.
Honorable Mentions: “Zodiac,”
David Fincher's engrossing police procedural and meditation on obsession;
“The Assassination of Jesse James
by the Coward Robert Ford,” Andrew Dominik's hypnotic
revisionist western; and “Away
from Her,” Sarah Polley's tender, strongly acted
tale of love amidst the ravages of Alzheimer's.
“No End in Sight”
Dozens of anti-war documentaries have been produced since the U.S. invasion
of Iraq in 2003, but none have been as comprehensive as Charles Ferguson's
damning expose of the Bush administration. In his directorial debut, political
scientist Ferguson eschews the moral grandstanding of propagandists like
Michael Moore and lets his interviewees - all of whom worked on the disastrous
Iraq reconstruction - provide their opinions on the reasons for the Administration's
failures. The cumulative effect is one of horror and devastation - one
that is not easily shaken, nor should it be.
Runner-up: “Lake of Fire”
It seems impossible to make an objective film about abortion, but director
Tony Kaye ("American History X") has achieved just that. Shot
in black-and-white over a 16-year period, this exhaustive, graphic, and
grueling documentary gives equal time to pro-life and pro-choice advocates,
and presents a morally and philosophically complex issue in a definitive
shade of gray.
Honorable Mentions: “My Kid
Could Paint That,” Amir Bar-Lev's fascinating look
at the controversy behind the work of four-year-old abstract artist Marla
Olmstead; “In the Shadow of the
Moon,” a poignant look at the American manned missions
to the moon, told from the astronauts' perspectives; “The
King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters,” a wildly entertaining
chronicle of Steve Wiebe's attempt to beat Billy Mitchell's high score
in "Donkey Kong"; and “Sicko,”
Michael Moore's simplistic but affecting look at the broken American health
care system.
“Persepolis”
Adapted from Marjane Satrapi's autobiographical graphic novel of the same
name, Satrapi's and Vincent Paronnaud's superb animated film tells the
moving story of a rebellious young Iranian girl living under the rule
of the Shah during the Islamic Revolution. Embracing the black-and-white
aesthetic of their source material, Satrapi and Paronnaud create a fluid,
impressionistic coming-of-age tale.
Runner-up: “The Diving Bell and
the Butterfly” Sensitively directed by Cannes winner
Julian Schnabel ("Before Night Falls"), this true story of fashion
magazine editor Jean-Dominique Bauby's struggle with locked-in syndrome
- a massive stroke left the blinking of his left eyelid as his only form
of communication, though his mind remained alert - avoids histrionics
and celebrates the indefatigability of the human imagination.
Honorable Mentions: “Black Book,”
Paul Verhoeven's sleek, sexy tale of a Dutch woman's infiltration of Nazi
headquarters during WWII; “The
Host,” an arresting seriocomic monster movie from
South Korea that doubles as a biting critique of American foreign policy;
“La Vie en Rose,”
a marvellous recreation of the life of Edith Piaf, with a standout central
performance from Marion Cotillard; and “Paris,
je t'aime,” a lovely omnibus romp through the City
of Lights.
“Ratatouille”
Pixar once again proves why they're the only animation studio that matters
today. Who else makes movies with characters as multi-faceted, memorable,
and dazzling as the animation used to create them?
Runner-up: “Aqua Teen Hunger
Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters” The "Adult
Swim" favorite lost nothing in translation when stretched to feature
length, but this movie film is so batshit crazy that only hardcore fans
and stoners (the two groups are not mutually exclusive) will truly appreciate
it.
Honorable Mention: “The Simpsons
Movie,” which was simultaneously overdue and unnecessary
but had enough charm to justify its existence.
Daniel Day-Lewis – “There
Will Be Blood” Daniel Plainview is a character
for the ages - a ruthless, oil-thirsty son of a bitch who is as compelling
as he is unlikeable. Day-Lewis is awe-inspiring to watch, and who else
could make a milkshake metaphor the most quotable line of the year?
Runner-up: Philip Seymour Hoffman –
“Before the Devil Knows You're Dead” & “The Savages”
In another great year for the character actor, Hoffman was devastating
in a pair of roles that showcase siblings in crisis - first as a small-time
crook that plots the theft of his parents' jewelry store, then as a struggling
theater professor faced with taking care of his demented father.
Honorable Mentions: Joseph Gordon-Levitt,
exceptional as a mentally handicapped janitor who finds a sense of purpose
as “The Lookout”; Gordon
Pinsent, deeply affecting as a man losing his wife to
Alzheimer's in “Away from Her”; Sam
Riley, the spitting image of doomed Joy Division front
man Ian Curtis in “Control”; Casey
Affleck, remarkable as a Boston detective who faces difficult
moral decisions in “Gone Baby Gone”; Viggo
Mortensen, giving us an unnervingly cold Russian gangster
in “Eastern Promises”; Tommy
Lee Jones, whose deeply moving role as a retired military
man deserved a film much better than “In the Valley of Elah”;
George Clooney, combining
his intelligence and charisma to produce “Michael Clayton”;
Christian Bale, magnetic
as usual as a prisoner of war with heady spirit in “Rescue
Dawn” and a rancher with heavy guilt in “3:10
to Yuma”; Emile Hirsch,
fully embracing the emotional liberation and naivete of Christopher McCandless
in “Into the Wild”; Brad
Pitt, appropriately fatalistic as the doomed outlaw in
“The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford”;
Michael Shannon, frightening
as the mysterious drifter who claims to be infested with aphid eggs in
“Bug”; and Denzel
Washington, whose charged central performance is the only
thing that keeps “American Gangster” afloat.
Julie Christie – “Away from
Her” In a performance of rare patience and delicacy,
Christie is phenomenal as an Alzheimer's-afflicted woman who slowly chooses
to break away from her past in order to understand and accept her current
mental circumstances.
Runner-up: Ashley Judd – “Bug”
Judd is powerfully raw as a down-trodden waitress whose
addictions and familial problems - her son is missing, and her ex-husband
is out on parole - make her susceptible to the bizarre ramblings of her
caretaker.
Honorable Mentions: Nicole Kidman,
low-key and gleefully poisonous as the title character in “Margot
at the Wedding”; Ellen
Page, who showed her vulnerability beneath a quippy facade
in “Juno”; Molly
Shannon, surprisingly touching as the socially awkward
animal lover at the center of “Year of the Dog”;
Angelina Jolie, dutifully
capturing the anger of Mariane Pearl in “A Mighty Heart”;
Laura Linney, who adds
another of her patented strong-willed but emotionally brittle characterizations
to her resume with “The Savages”; Amy
Adams, whose boundless, cartoonish optimism serves as
the best reason to see “Enchanted”; Keri
Russell, superb as the “Waitress”
whose pies serve as epicurean extensions of her psyche; and Jodie
Foster, for getting in touch with her inner-Charles Bronson
in “The Brave One.”
Javier Bardem – “No Country
for Old Men” Less a human being than an incarnation
of pure evil, the sociopathic Anton Chigurh is bound to become one of
cinema's most memorable baddies, thanks to Bardem's steely, humorless
portrayal.
Runner-up: Casey Affleck – “The
Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford”
In a year that elevated the actor from "Ben's brother" to "Casey,"
Affleck turned in a resonant portait of celebrity worship turned into
violent obsession.
Honorable Mentions: Chris Cooper,
who delivers another richly textured portrayal of a self-contradictory
man as notorious FBI agent Robert Hanssen in “Breach”;
Hal Holbrook, movingly
tender as the aging widower who comes to see a young drifter as his surrogate
son in “Into the Wild”; Tom
Wilkinson, fantastic in the scene-stealing role of a lawyer
pushed to the brink in “Michael Clayton”;
Steve Zahn, startling
as one of the emaciated prisoners of war in “Rescue Dawn”;
Tommy Lee Jones, whose
shrewdness acts as the heart and soul of “No Country for
Old Men”; Philip Seymour
Hoffman, hilarious as a gruff CIA man looking to help
win “Charlie Wilson's War”; Jeff
Daniels, excellent in his subdued turn as the good-humored
blind man in “The Lookout”; Ethan
Hawke, amazingly vulnerable as the weaker brother in “Before
the Devil Knows You're Dead”; Paul
Dano, nailing the self-delusion of a preacher in “There
Will Be Blood”; Mark
Ruffalo & Robert Downey, Jr., for imbuing their “Zodiac”
hunters with a strong sense of personality; and Christopher
Mintz-Plasse, for playing the archetypal nerd with uncommon
hilarity in “Superbad.”
Amy Ryan – “Gone Baby Gone”
Best known to viewers of HBO's "The Wire," Ryan had a banner
year thanks to her complex and emotionally wrenching role of a negligent,
drug-addicted mother whose lost child make her a subject of both pity
and scorn.
Runner-up: Cate Blanchett – “I'm Not
There”
Of the six actors who play Bob Dylan in
Todd Haynes's off-kilter biopic, none is as compelling to watch as Blanchett,
whose portrayal goes well beyond mimicry and into the realm of spiritual
channeling.
Honorable Mentions: Tilda Swinton,
who makes a calculating villainess intriguing and three-dimensional in
“Michael Clayton”; Samantha
Morton, for making us feel her bitterness and frustation
in “Control”; Jennifer
Jason Leigh, equally miserable and wretchedly funny in
“Margot at the Wedding”; Catherine
Keener, highly memorable as a hippie and surrogate mom in “Into
the Wild”; Leslie Mann,
a comic standout with scenes of unnerving truth about married life in
“Knocked Up”; Olympia
Dukakis, bracingly honest as a hard-edged woman who finds
a new relationship in an unlikely place in “Away from Her”;
and Saorise Ronan & Vanessa Redgrave,
for playing bookends in the life of the guilt-ridden protagonist in “Atonement.”
Joel & Ethan Coen – “No
Country for Old Men” It has all the trappings of
the Coens' best work - a film noir setup, sharp writing and characterizations,
dark humor, and impeccably executed set pieces - but what makes "No
Country" the finest film yet from Joel & Ethan is the economy
of their editing and direction. Not a frame of film is wasted or out of
place, and the brothers eschew using music almost entirely, creating scenes
of almost unbearable tension with sound cues alone.
Runner-up: Paul Thomas Anderson –
“There Will Be Blood” As spectacular as Anderson's
previous films are, he made huge leaps and bounds as a director with this
intimate period epic. Though "Blood" is an American allegory
writ large, Anderson never lets his message overpower his story, and his
command of film grammar is breathtaking.
Honorable Mentions: David Fincher,
delivering his strongest, most nuanced work yet with “Zodiac”;
Andrew Dominik, making
the best revisionist western never made in the 1970s with “The
Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford”;
Sidney Lumet, showing
that he can still make galvanizing cinema at the age of 83 with “Before
the Devil Knows You're Dead”; Werner
Herzog, remaking one of his own documentaries to present
the idiosyncratic prisoner-of-war movie “Rescue Dawn”;
David Cronenberg, delivering
another insiduous piece of pulp fiction called “Eastern
Promises”; Sean Penn,
straddling the line between naturalist manifesto and cautionary tale in
“Into the Wild”; Todd
Haynes, for the sheer artistic ballsiness and lunacy of
“I'm Not There”; and Tim
Burton, whose visual sense has never been stronger than
in “Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street.”
“Away from Her”
Films about people coping with terminal diseases usually devolve into
cheap melodramas with vastly overacted symptoms and grandstanding displays
of emotion. "Away from Her" never reaches these murky waters
thanks to the emotional intelligence of its veteran ensemble. Julie Christie
and Gordon Pinsent lend naturalism and honesty to the film's central relationship,
and the excellent supporting cast - Olympia Dukakis, Michael Murphy, and
Ron Hewat among them - make this a remarkably clear-eyed character study.
Runners-up: “Knocked
Up” & “Superbad” Camaraderie is
a huge component of the success of Judd Apatow's movies, and the collectives
of both films have an unforced chemistry that sells the humor, heart,
harangues, and horniness of their respective characters.
Honorable Mentions:
The superb cast of “No Country
for Old Men,” which brings Cormac McCarthy's Texas
tale to stunning light; the slick, astute cast of “Michael
Clayton”; the insidious ensemble behind “Margot
at the Wedding”; the solid congregation of character
actors that make up “Zodiac”;
and the Bob Dylan biographical parade of “I'm
Not There.”
“Evening”
Like the similarly overwrought and artsy "The Hours," "Evening"
is an incredibly facile and condescending look at how women have been
mistreated over the years, but unlike Stephen Daldry's film, it doesn't
have a single compelling performance that makes you forgive its trespasses
(if only momentarily). This is astonishing considering the cast, which
counts Claire Danes, Patrick Wilson, Vanessa Redgrave, Toni Collette,
Meryl Streep, Glenn Close, Natasha Richardson, and Hugh Dancy among its
casualties.
Runner-up: “Rendition”
South African filmmaker Gavin Hood's English-language debut centers on
the personal effects of American involvement in the Middle East, but "Rendition"
is as embarrasingly trite and heavy-handed as his despicably overrated
"Tsotsi," which won a Foreign Film Oscar a few years back. There
is something fundamentally wrong with a motion picture if you can't make
an interesting story with Reese Witherspoon, Jake Gyllenhaal, Peter Sarsgaard,
Meryl Streep, and Alan Arkin.
Dishonorable Mentions: “Lions
for Lambs,” another inert piece of anti-war discourse
that discards the efforts of Robert Redford, Meryl Streep, and Tom Cruise;
“Reservation Road,”
a lamentable tale of lament that squanders the likes of Joaquin Phoenix,
Jennifer Connelly, and Mark Ruffalo; “Georgia
Rule,” for sticking Jane Fonda, Lindsay Lohan, Felicity
Huffman, and Dermot Mulroney in a feature-length sitcom; “Feast
of Love,” which does the same for Morgan Freeman,
Greg Kinnear, Radha Mitchell, Selma Blair, and Jane Alexander; and “The
Bucket List,” an incredibly idiotic bucket of schmaltz
that served as paychecks for Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman.
“Atonement”
No movie inspired more debate for me this year than Joe Wright's adaptation
of Ian McEwan's seemingly unfilmable novel. Though the story is filmed
with impeccable production values and the utmost respect to the printed
word, this hyper-literal approach to the material nearly drains it of
emotion and spontaneity. When it comes time for the film's big reveal,
which contains the central, highly literate conceit of the book, "Atonement"
comes off as an elaborate intellectual exercise when it should have registered
as ironic emotional catharsis. It begs the question of why books should
be made into films in the first place, especially if the reason for the
text's existence cannot be translated to the big screen. "Atonement"
is a valiant effort and deserves to be seen, but seeing it once is enough.
Runner-up: “Lars and the Real
Girl” Praises were heaped on Ryan Gosling's mannered
performance and Nancy Oliver's saccharine screenplay, but this story of
a man-child and his blow-up doll girlfriend is nothing more than an overbearingly
quirky, one-joke, feature-length sitcom.
Dishonorable Mentions: “The
Kite Runner,” Marc Forster's excessively manipulative
and sanitized adaptation of Khaled Hosseini's bestseller; Robert Zemeckis's
“Beowulf,”
which finds the director using the creepy performance capture animation
effect of "The Polar Express" to bastardize the epic poem; and
the Jerry Seinfield vanity project “Bee
Movie,” which feels like an awesome short subject
padded with comic flotsam.
“Grindhouse”
The only explanation for the surprising box office failure of this immensely
fun double feature is the stupidity of mainstream audiences who somehow
couldn't wrap their brains around something called a "double feature."
(Uh, it's two movies for the price of one, guys.) Robert Rodriguez and
Quentin Tarantino lovingly recreate the exploitation filmgoing experience
with tongue-firmly-in-cheek humor, over-the-top bloodshed, and rousing
action sequences. Even more devastating is the fact that "Grindhouse"
will refer only to that three-hour theatrical extravaganza, as the movie
has been split in two (Rodriguez's "Planet Terror" and Tarantino's
"Death Proof"), minus all those fake trailers (courtesy Rodriguez,
Rob Zombie, Edgar Wright, and Eli Roth), for the video release.
Runner-up: “The Lookout”
Maybe it was its passing similarity to "Memento," but Scott
Frank's character-driven, gimmickless film noir deserved a larger audience.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt's largely unheralded central performance is one of
the most affecting of the year.
Honorable Mentions: “Once,”
a beguiling musical that was perhaps the year's best reviewed movie but
barely made an impression at the box office; William Friedkin's feverishly
intense “Bug,”
which is as frightening as anything the director has done since "The
Exorcist"; “Breach,”
the involving story of corrupt FBI agent Robert Hanssen, strongly played
by Chris Cooper; “Year of the
Dog,” a sweet dramedy about the cost of obsessing
over animals from "The Good Girl" and "School of Rock"
scribe Mike White; “You Kill
Me,” John Dahl's quietly hilarious tale of hitman
Ben Kingsley forced to kick his drinking habit; and “Black
Snake Moan,” Craig Brewer's ridiculous but entertaining
follow-up to his overrated "Hustle & Flow."
Tony Leung & Wei Tang – “Lust,
Caution” With its bloated 157-minute running time,
Ang Lee's espionage thriller is heavier on caution than lust, but when
it does concentrate on the title's former, the on-screen events are wildly
memorable. Fully deserving of its NC-17 rating, Leung and Tang's explicit,
lustful sex scenes leave little to the imagination.
Runner-up: Keira Knightley & James
McAvoy – “Atonement”
Nudity isn't needed to make a great sex scene, though,
as evidenced by the tremendous heat generated in the library by Knightley
and McAvoy.
Honorable Mentions: Marisa Tomei &
Philip Seymour Hoffman for the opening scene of “Before
the Devil Knows You're Dead”; Carice
van Houten, using her body as a politically sexual weapon
against the Nazis in “Black Book”; the gratuitous
on-screen coupling of Gerard Butler
& Lena Headey in “300”;
the uninhibited introduction to Eva
Mendes & Joaquin Phoenix in “We Own
the Night”; and the startling, homoerotically
charged fight sequence involving Viggo
Mortensen and his escape from a Turkish bath in “Eastern
Promises.”
“Superbad”
Endlessly quotable, profoundly profane, and obsessed with cocksmanship,
"Superbad" truthfully speaks to the painful high school experience
of finding ways to get laid.
Runner-up: “Hot Fuzz”
Though it's not as well executed as the brilliant "Shaun of the Dead,"
Edgar Wright's homage/parody of every action movie ever made still gets
considerable mileage from the chemistry between Simon Pegg and Nick Frost.
Swan!
Honorable Mentions: “The Bourne
Ultimatum,” the best entry yet in "Bourne"
franchise; the exploitation bonanza that was “Grindhouse”;
and the derivative but still rousing cops-and-robbers saga “We
Own the Night.”
“Music and Lyrics”
Given the filmographies and considerable charms of Hugh Grant and Drew
Barrymore, this was anticipated as the Ali vs. Frazer of romantic comedy
matchups, but unlike other high-wattage, on-screen celebrity pairings
(e.g. Matthew McConnaughey and Kate Hudson, Julia Roberts and Brad Pitt),
Grant's and Barrymore's personalities harmonize wonderfully.
Runner-up: “Waitress”
Indie actress Adrienne Shelley's brutal murder in 2006 makes watching
her writing/directing debut a slightly uncomfortable experience, but this
winsome look at small-town waitress Keri Russell's quest for escape from
the daily grind is genuinely heartfelt and worth seeking out.
Honorable Mentions: “Hairspray,”
the rollicking remake of John Waters's 1960s-era musical; and “Enchanted,”
a plucky, modern-day parody of Disney princess movies with a star-making
turn from Amy Adams.
“Transformers”
In another Hollywood attempt to rob a nation of its childhood, Michael
Bay's latest crapfest is best described as a feature-length toy commercial
interrupted by pesky humans in a John Hughes-lite comedy. Besides the
cool technology, the original animated series worked because of its compelling
storyline and attention to character motives, but none of that matters
here. Bay proves he can blow shit up good, but his ADD approach to film
editing and his contempt for things like plot, characterization, logic,
and backstory make "Transformers" a commercial exercise as bloodless
and empty as the CGI steel contraptions that clutter this movie.
Runners-up: “Alvin
and the Chipmunks” & “Underdog”
Both films feature cartoon characters that reached the pinnacle of their
popularity in the 1960s, but these aren't marketed to people in their
40s or 50s because the characters are modernized to the point where they
have no association to their original incarnations. And they aren't quite
marketed to kids because most of the humor is above their heads, and children
can certainly watch the original series if they were made available on
DVD. So who the hell are these movies for? Anyone who lets movies do the
babysitting, I suppose.
Dishonorable Mentions:
The video game adaptation “Hitman”;
the pandering “Epic Movie,”
which gives brownie points to anyone who has seen a movie in the past
five years; and everything under Worst
Sequel and Worst Remake (see below).
“Spider-man 3”
Granted, the awesomeness of "Spider-man 2" was a pretty tough
act to follow, but even when taken on its own terms, the third installation
of this superhero franchise was a crushing disappointment. Everything
here is simultaneously overcooked and half-baked –
a trio of villains whose motives are sketchy rather than weighty, a dense
plotline that feels more like a checklist than a flow of events, and action
sequences that are ridiculous to believe but not ridiculous enough to
be fun. And who on earth told Kirsten Dunst that she could sing?
Runner-up: “300”
An insanely effective ad campaign and the involvement of Frank Miller
raised my expectations to a fever pitch, but Zack Snyder's retelling of
the Battle of Thermopylae proved to be thoroughly limp and unengaging
– one of the most
bloodless violent movies I've ever seen. Unlike the brilliant film adaptation
of Miller's "Sin City," the characters in "300" are
completely interchangeable, and Snyder's arresting visuals actually detract
from the movie, never allowing the movie's insane body count to register
as real carnage. It's like watching a video game where all the Spartan
soldiers are voiced by Scottish actors.
Dishonorable Mentions:
Ridley Scott's lumbering, overlong “American
Gangster”; Julie Taymor’s “Across
the Universe,” which is dazzling to look at but
thuddingly obvious in its script and storyline; and Rob Zombie's unnecessary
and surprisingly unimaginative remake of “Halloween.”
Gay panic comedies Homophobia,
like any form of prejudice, is never going to go away entirely. Proof
positive of this is the $100 million+ box office grosses of three movies
built almost exclusively around the line "No, really, I'm not gay!"
- "Wild Hogs," "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry,"
and "Blades of Glory."
Runner-up: Torture
porn Critic David Edelstein coined this term in his discussion
of "Hostel," and the phrase (and, sadly, the genre) has stuck
ever since. What could be more fun than watching a string of people being
graphically mutilated and killed? Ask the makers of this year's "Saw
IV," "Hostel: Part II," and "Captivity," and
they can tell you: getting money from people who like watching people
being graphically mutilated and killed.
Dishonorable Mention: Terrible comic
book adaptations Will every comic book be made into a
movie? If the modest box office successes of "Fantastic Four: Rise
of the Silver Surfer," "Ghost Rider," and "30 Days
of Night" are any indication, then the answer is a discouraging yes.
Tony Gilroy – “Michael Clayton”
Taking some cues from executive producer Steven Soderbergh,
screenwriter Gilroy (the "Bourne" movies, "The Cutting
Edge") gives his legal thriller visual and emotional palettes reminiscent
of "Traffic" and uses image and sound in ways that belie his
rookie directorial status.
Runner-up: Sarah Polley – “Away
from Her” Though the film is primarily an actor's
affair, Polley's sensitive direction and shifting chronologies (no doubt
an influence from mentor Atom Egoyan) show a maturity well beyond her
28 years.
Honorable Mentions: Ben Affleck,
for his Boston-set morality play “Gone Baby Gone”;
Scott Frank, for the
twisty, character-driven noir “The Lookout”;
Anton Corbijn, for
the stark black-and-white beauty of his Ian Curtis biopic “Control”;
John August, jumbling
storylines and numerology with aplomb in “The Nines”;
and Julie Delpy, who
learned a thing or two from Richard Linklater when making the culture
clash comedy “2 Days in Paris.”
“3:10 to Yuma”
Besides amping up the action and violence of the original 1957 film, not
much was changed for James Mangold's solid, unshowy remake, but if more
westerns like this can get made, then there may be a future for the horsey
picture after all.
Runner-up: “Disturbia”
This surprisingly good and faithful update of Alfred Hitchcock's "Rear
Window" for the Web 2.0 set won't make you forget the original source
material, but hopefully it encourages the kids to acquaint themselves
with the classics.
Honorable Mention: “Hairspray,”
which manages to retain the subversive edge, catchy songs, and pro-integration
message of John Waters's surprise 1988 hit.
“Sleuth”
The original 1972 British film, itself an adaptation of Anthony Shaffer's
play, is an intriguing battle of wits between millionaire Laurence Olivier
and his wife's lover, Michael Caine. For the Kenneth Branagh-directed,
Harold Pinter-scripted remake, Caine is cast in Olivier's role and Jude
Law plays Caine's, but the leisurely pace, tour-de-force acting, and deadly
wit are entirely absent here.
Runner-up: “The Invasion”
A remake of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" with a happy ending?
It must have been directed by the pod people!
Dishonorable Mentions: The
Farrelly brothers' caustically unfunny redo of “The
Heartbreak Kid”; “Halloween,”
a remake of which was pointless to begin with, but was even more disappointing
considering the directions director Rob Zombie could have taken it; “I
Think I Love My Wife,” Chris Rock's disastrous take
on Eric Rohmer's "Chloe in the Afternoon"; and the pointless
rehash of “The Hitcher,”
which is for Sean Bean fetishists only.
“The Bourne Ultimatum”
The third - and strongest - entry in the Jason Bourne franchise is a visceral,
efficient, and brilliantly choreographed piece of action filmmaking.
Runner-up: “28 Weeks Later”
Though it reeked of a quick studio cash-in, the follow-up to "28
Days Later" was startlingly good, not just for its action sequences
but for its resonant sociopolitical themes, making "28 Weeks Later"
even bleaker than its predecessor.
Honorable Mentions: “Harry Potter
and the Order of the Phoenix,” which continues the
dark slide for the teenaged boy wizard; and “Live
Free or Die Hard,” which nearly matches the ludicrous,
over-the-top sequences of "Die Hard 2" ...not that that's a
bad thing.
“Elizabeth: The Golden Age”
"Action Comics Presents: Bess! Queen of Scots!" would have been
a far more appropriate title. Discarding petty details like nuance and
historical accuracy, Shekhar Kapur's clanging series of costume and backdrop
changes (I hesitate to use the word "movie," because it necessitates
some kind of orderly flow) is all empty cinematic bombast. Cate Blanchett's
titular shrieking shrew and Clive Owen's wink-wink Walter Raleigh are
characterizations right out of a trashy piece of historical fiction, making
this the most chaste bodice-ripping adventure yarn this side of a Christian
supermarket checkout line.
Runner-up: “Pirates of the Caribbean:
At World's End” Somewhere in this boisterous, pretentious,
three-hour, nonsensical landmark of mainstream narrative impregnability
lies a halfway decent David Lynch film. But until that film is made, fans
of this improbably popular series will be scratching their heads like
an eight-year-old with lice.
Dishonorable Mentions:
They came in three flavors: mediocre family fare (“Evan
Almighty,” “Shrek the Third,”
“Daddy Day Camp,”
“Are We Done
Yet?”), limp action vehicles (“Rush
Hour 3,” “Resident Evil: Extinction”)
and horror flicks (“Hostel: Part
II,” “The Hills Have Eyes 2,” “Saw
IV”).
Robin Williams – “License
to Wed” Williams continues his descent from comedic
genius to intolerable jackass, this time recycling his increasingly desperate
schtick to play a sadistic priest. Is it any wonder that "One Hour
Photo" and "Insomnia" have proved to be the best roles
he's taken this decade?
Runner-up: Chris Tucker – “Rush
Hour 3”
Quentin Tarantino knew how to use Tucker in "Jackie Brown" –
keep his dialogue to a minimum and have him quickly dispatched by Samuel
L. Jackson in the trunk of a car. I wish more directors would follow this
model.
Dishonorable Mention: Jane Fonda,
who follows up her bitch in "Monster-in-Law" with her bitch
in “Georgia Rule.” Seriously, is this why you decided to return to acting?
Paul Haggis – “In the Valley
of Elah” Haggis's disgustingly overrated "Crash"
was a contrived, one-note after-school special, but at least its underlying
message ("Racism is bad, m'kay?") was something to rally around.
With "Elah," Haggis commits a far more grievous foul - using
the war in Iraq as mere set dressing for a murder mystery rather than
explore the reasons why the war is being fought. The result is an anti-war
movie with no heart, no brain, and no balls.
Runner-up: Garry Marshall – “Georgia
Rule” Given Marshall's background in television
and the bland, cloying nature of feature-length sitcoms like this one,
wouldn't it make sense to have his future films released directly to DVD?
Dishonorable Mention: Michael Bay
– “Transformers” Less "More than
meets the eye" and more "What you see is what you get,"
Bay's latest is further proof that he should quit making movies with human
beings altogether and just work on his dream project "Explosions!
- The Motion Picture."
“Sunshine”
There is nothing terribly original about Danny Boyle's sci-fi saga, which
takes liberal dollops from genre fare like "Alien," "Event
Horizon," and "Armageddon." Even the characters are aware
of this, joking about how they will probably get picked off one at a time
by aliens. But Boyle's stylistic decisions can make you forget all that,
making "Sunshine" an exhilarating, overwhelming experience.
Runner-up: “I Am Legend”
The first half of this post-apocalyptic Will Smith vehicle, in which the
former Fresh Prince tries to keep his sanity in a seemingly empty world,
is tense and gripping, but the second half disappointingly devolves into
a rote CGI action movie with a curious "Shrek" fixation. In
light of Smith's previous sci-fi vehicle, the in-name-only adaptation
of Isaac Asimov's "I, Robot," they should have just retitled
this one "I Am Legend...Bitches."
Quasi-honorable Mentions: “The
Hoax,” an initially light-footed retelling of Clifford
Irving conning the publishing industry into thinking he has the exclusive
rights to Howard Hughes's memoir, which squanders great performances by
Richard Gere and Alfred Molina in its frantic second half; “Reign
Over Me,” a cliched, tonally inconsistent look at
post-9/11 stress disorder that still manages to sincerely address issues
of tragic loss and features a strong dramatic performance from Adam Sandler;
and “Stardust,”
a competent, intermittently whimsical, but fatally bloated adaptation
of Neil Gaiman's fantasy novel.
“Southland Tales”
Richard Kelly's long-delayed, highly anticipated follow-up to "Donnie
Darko" is a fucked up mess that collapses under the weight of its
convoluted subplots, but it's never unwatchable. Set in an alternate-universe
2008, this apocalyptic carnival involves a neo-Marxist underground group
led by "Saturday Night Live" alumni Nora Dunn, Cheri Oteri,
and Amy Poehler; amnesia-striken action movie star Dwayne "The Rock"
Johnson; porn star turned politico Sarah Michelle Gellar; Seann William
Scott as a pair of identical twins on opposite sides of the law; and disfigured
Iraq veteran Justin Timberlake. Oh, and there's a musical number.
Runner-up: “Across the Universe”
Julie Taymor's usage of The Beatles's music can be embarrassingly obvious,
and the plot, characters, and themes of youth rebellion have been recycled
from countless movies set in the 1960s. But once you stop paying attention
and just let the visuals wash over you, this will become your new favorite
movie to watch while stoned. Far out.
Quasi-honorable Mention: “Youth
Without Youth,” Francis Ford Coppola's opaque, self-serious,
but handsomely staged piece of metaphysical hoo-hah.
“Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium”
Zach Helm's previous script, "Stranger Than Fiction," was a
watered down rip-off of Charlie Kaufman's body of work. With his atrociously
titled and executed follow-up, Helm rips off not only Roald Dahl but,
curiously, himself. "Mr. Magorium" is "Willy Wonka"-lite
but without any of the creepy dramatic tension - instead, it honestly
believes that the world's problems can be solved by repeatedly forcing
magic and whimsy down people's throats. The learner of this lesson? A
strait-laced accountant, of course!
Runner-up: “Trade”
A sordid, sleazy trivialization of sex trafficking that plays like an
exploitation film and has a buddy-cop subplot to boot! Why wasn't Kevin
Kline in "Grindhouse?"
Dishonorable Mentions: “Lions
for Lambs,” in which Robert Redford, Meryl Streep,
and Tom Cruise take turns reading from "U.S. News & World Report";
and the stupendously awful “Pirates
of the Caribbean: At World's End.”
“The Number 23”
Jim Carrey sees the number everywhere, and it's totally evil and out to
get him! Dude, if you look for this shit, you will most certainly find
it.
Runner-up: “Perfect Stranger”
No, it's not the Bronson Pinchot stand-up movie we've all been waiting
for, but this ludicrous thriller with Halle Berry and Bruce Willis is
just as hilarious.
Quasi-honorable Mentions: “September
Dawn” & “The Reaping,” a two-way
tie for this year's religious exploitation sweepstakes; “Mr.
Brooks,” a fantastic piece of serial killer cheese
courtesy Kevin Costner, Demi Moore, and William Hurt (say, is "The
Big Chill" reunion next door?); “The
Invisible,” which plays like "Ghost" and
the second half of "It's a Wonderful Life" as filtered through
a particularly uninspired episode of "Scooby-Doo"; and “Next”
& “National Treasure: Book of Secrets”
for putting Nicolas Cage back in the over-the-top nonsense in which he
so rightfully belongs.
“Epic Movie”
Another laughless, tasteless installment in the "Movie" franchise
plays like a checklist of popular movies made in the past five years and
panders to the lowest common denominator of moviegoers. Assembly line
hackery like this and the audiences they cater to remind me of one of
my favorite quotes from "Election" - "It's like your dog
pees on the carpet, and you give him a treat."
Runner-up: “Good Luck Chuck”
I'm not sure what's worse: Dane Cook's stillborn attempt to be a leading
man in a romantic comedy, Jessica Alba's being oblivious to the possibility
that continuously falling down doesn't translate into humor, Dan Fogler's
vain and desperately misguided effort to try out-mugging Jack Black, the
film's playing into frat-boy-friendly rape fantasy and sexual wish fulfillment,
or a singularly disgusting sequence involving an ugly, morbidly obese
woman. To those who say they paid money to see the film for Alba, I say,
"That's what the Internet is for." To Cook and the makers of
this atrocious, sexist piece of shit, I say, "May your cocks fall
off."
Dishonorable Mentions: “Wild
Hogs,” an abysmal fish-out-of-water road movie;
“Mr. Woodcock,”
which hopefully is the last we'll see of Billy Bob Thornton playing childish
assholes; the monumentally dull sequel “Evan
Almighty”; “Norbit,”
which again finds Eddie Murphy mining black and Asian stereotypes for
laughter; the offensive and obnoxious “Who's
Your Caddy?”; the wildly uneven feature-length sitcom
“Georgia Rule”;
and two embarrassingly bad romantic comedies starring Mandy Moore: “License
to Wed” and “Because
I Said So.”
Hilary Swank – “P.S.
I Love You” Some may
dismiss the two-time Oscar winner as a two-trick pony, but many will agree
that Swank is far too intelligent to play in contrived romantic comedies
like this one. Her attempts to shed her tomboy image in favor of Meg Ryan
country are a study in discomfort.
Runner-up: John Travolta– “Hairspray”
Never believable as a woman, a fat woman, or a transvestite, Travolta
suffers from a terrible piece of stunt casting that hopefully signals
the end of his days in pantyhose and a prosthetic suit.
Dishonorable Mentions: Vince Vaughn,
whose obnoxious charms make for a queasy fit in the family friendly “Fred
Claus”; and Rowan Atkinson,
who should put his signature character to sleep after “Mr.
Bean's Holiday.”
And that’s a wrap! If you’ve made it this far, you can send all
praise, questions, comments, and hate mail directly to me.
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