My 2006 Film Awards
By Nareg Torosian
“Children of Men”
Alfonso Cuaron's adaptation of P.D. James's dystopian novel creates a
striking, fully realized portrait of despair in the not-so-distant future,
but never loses sight of the power of hope.
Runner-up: “Marie Antoinette”
Sofia Coppola destroys the traditional biopic and presents a deeply emphatic
portrait of one history's most misunderstood figures, all to an amazingly
fitting New Wave soundtrack.
Honorable Mentions: “Borat:
Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan,”
one of the funniest, smartest, and most important comedies in recent memory;
“The Fountain,”
Darren Aronofsky's heady meditation on love, loss, and all the intangibles;
and “Inland Empire,”
David Lynch's surreal challenge to narrative cinema.
The Iraq documentaries
Cinema showed us sides of the conflict (in Borat's words, "your War
of Terror") that the news networks deemed too disheartening or were
too chickenshit to show. There were political documentaries abound in
2006, but the ones that left the most lasting impressions were: “The
War Tapes,” in which Deborah Scranton supplied digital
cameras to three National Guard members to provide a true point-of-view
portrait of American soldiers in Iraq; James Longley's “Iraq
in Fragments,” a compassionate and strangely beautiful
(aesthetically, anyway) look at Iraqis trying to cope with the madness
around them; and Michael Winterbottom's ferocious “Road
to Guantanamo,” which combines interview footage
of three innocent British Muslims with brutal recreations of the hell
they endured at the hands of their American captors. With President Bush's
approval ratings sinking to Watergate lows, the American public is catching
up to this Administration's deceptions - ones that these films helped
uncover with clear-eyed immediacy.
Runner-up: “An Inconvenient Truth”
Shedding his image as a bland android, Al Gore delivers a passionate,
rousing, and logical dissection of the global warming problem and what
we can do about it. It's a model of persuasive filmmaking: talk about
an issue that affects us all in simple language; present hard evidence
as to why this is the case (the graphics employed by director Davis Guggenheim
work to great effect and avoid cuteness); and give easily followed and
understood solutions. I hope Michael Moore is taking notes.
Honorable Mentions: “Deliver
Us From Evil,” Amy Berg's frightening look at how
the Catholic Church concealed (and continues to conceal) the monstrous
behavior of a pastor who has become the most prolific child molestor in
American history; “This Film
Is Not Yet Rated,” Kirby Dick's penetrating, hilarious
look at the hypocrisy of the MPAA and the film ratings system; and two
concert docs that couldn't be more visually different: Jonathan Demme's
polished “Neil Young: Heart of
Gold” and the jarring, experimental Beastie Boys
confection “Awesome! I Fuckin'
Shot That.”
“L'Enfant (The Child)”
Winner of the Palme d'Or for Best Picture at last year's Cannes Film Festival,
the latest from Jean-Pierre and Luc Dardenne is another miraculous, humanist
achievement. Filmed in documentary style and with the absence of music,
the movie follows a young small-time crook (Jeremie Ranier) when, unknown
to his girlfriend (Deborah Francois), he sells their newborn child, then
desperately tries to redeem himself. The ensuing journey brims with emotional
and spiritual crisis, and leads to a remarkable, cathartic finale.
Runner-up: “Three Times”
Taiwanese director Hou Hsiao-Hsien's hypnotic, sumptuous look at how the
past informs the present takes the same two lead actors (Shu Qi and Chang
Chen) and tells three love stories set in 1966, 1911, and 2005. Each is
tonally different but combine to form a profound meditation on emotional
connect and disconnect through the ages.
Honorable Mentions: “The Death
of Mr. Lazarescu,” Cristi Puiu's damning, breathless
black comedy on the state of medical care in Romania; “Letters
from Iwo Jima,” Clint Eastwood's sympathetic portrait
of the Japanese side of the WWII battle; “Pan's
Labyrinth,” Guillermo Del Toro's handsome, fantastical
reworking of his 2001 masterpiece "The Devil's Backbone"; “Volver,”
Pedro Almodovar's colorful rumination on ghosts and womanhood, with Penelope
Cruz's strongest performance to date; and “District
B13,” a gonzo French action/thriller that makes
most American concoctions look soft.
“A Scanner Darkly”
The rotoscoping technique Richard Linklater first used in "Waking
Life," in which actors are filmed then "painted over" by
animating each frame using computers, is used to brilliant effect in his
adaptation of Philip K. Dick's paranoid, drug-addled vision of the future.
Runner-up: “Happy Feet”
George Miller returns behind the camera for the first time since the "Babe"
movies, and, like the movies about the cute little pig, delivers a charming
fable of acceptance and togetherness.
Honorable Mentions: “Curious
George,” a curious but winning throwback to traditional
2-D animation that miraculously stays clear of incessant pop culture references
and toilet jokes; “Cars,”
Pixar's latest technically astounding creation; and “Monster
House,” which offers a surprisingly mature look
at childhood wonder and anxiety.
Sacha Baron Cohen – “Borat:
Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan”
Taking his act to Andy Kaufman-esque length, Cohen stayed
in character for three months while travelling across the country, fooling
just about everybody, and getting them to say the darndest things. Great
success! High five!
Runner-up: Forest Whitaker –
“The Last King of Scotland” In a rare lead
role, Whitaker is a short-fused, charismatic beast as dictator Idi Amin
- so ferocious and magnetic that you cannot take his eyes off him, even
in the face of his depraved ruthlessness.
Honorable Mentions: Ryan Gosling,
sympathetic and quietly implosive as a drug-addicted teacher in “Half
Nelson”; Peter O'Toole,
who delivers a career performance in a tailor-made role in “Venus”;
Aaron Eckhart, giving
us another of his trademark smarmy assholes in “Thank You
For Smoking” and an emotionally complex look at love (possibly)
rekindled in “Conversations With Other Women”;
Will Smith, whose heartfelt
portrayal in “The Pursuit of Happyness” deserves
a much better movie around it; Hugh Jackman, powerful
and heart-wrenching in his quest for Rachel Weisz in “The
Fountain”; Edward Norton,
delivering a performance of "Taxi Driver"-like intensity in
the uneven “Down in the Valley”; William
H. Macy, making a striking contribution to Angry White
Man cinema in the David Mamet-scripted “Edmond”;
and Clive Owen, lending
his undeniable charisma to the proceedings in “Children
of Men” and “Inside Man.”
Helen Mirren – “The Queen”
The public coldness and mannerisms of Queen Elizabeth
II have been played to death, and while Mirren uncannily nails these characteristics,
it is the humanity she suffuses into one of the world's most enigmatic
public figures that makes her performance a towering one.
Runner-up: Laura Dern – “Inland
Empire” Like Naomi Watts in David Lynch's previous
feature "Mulholland Drive," Dern delivers a ballsy, brilliant
central performance as an actress who loses her artistic integrity - and
maybe her mind - when she burrows too deeply into her latest role.
Honorable Mentions: Maggie Gyllenhaal,
whose sensational study in pathetic desparation is the only thing that
makes the otherwise trite “Sherrybaby” so
watchable; Kate Winslet,
arresting as one of the adulterous lovers in “Little Children”;
Judi Dench, playing
a bitter, calculating lesbian as no one else could in “Notes
on a Scandal”; Shareeka
Epps, startling as the vulnerable junior-high student
in “Half Nelson”; Gretchen
Mol, fearless in her portrayal of the titular nudie pinup
in “The Notorious Bettie Page”; Ellen
Page, stunning as the cold, calculating adolescent torturer
in “Hard Candy”; Meryl
Streep, who avoids histrionics as the cold bitch who lends
“The Devil Wears Prada” its title; Ashley
Judd, who again shows why mainstream cinema is no way
indicative of her considerable talents with “Come Early
Morning”; Naomi Watts,
whose carefully mannered performance is perhaps the best reason to watch
“The Painted Veil”; and Cate
Blanchett, for getting in touch with her inner-Dietrich
in “The Good German.”
Jackie Earle Haley – “Little
Children” The year's best comeback story belonged
to former child star Haley, whose life bottomed out after his career fizzled
in the 1970s. He returned with a vengeance, delivering a menacing, unforgettable
performance as a pedophile that haunts suburban town and minds.
Runner-up: Mark Wahlberg – “The
Departed” Making good on his turn in "I Heart
Huckabees," Wahlberg again displays remarkable steadfastness and
comic timing in his scene-stealing work.
Honorable Mentions: Robert Downey,
Jr., able to create a full character using just his voice
in “Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus”
and for his gonzo, drug-addled stupor in “A Scanner Darkly”;
Michael Sheen, whose
take on Tony Blair goes well beyond simple parody in “The
Queen”; Alan Arkin,
Paul Dano, and Steve Carell, excelling as three parts
of the dysfunctional family in “Little Miss Sunshine”;
Ben Affleck, suprisingly
good as the troubled George Reeves in “Hollywoodland”;
Jack Nicholson, sinking
his teeth into the larger-than-life crime boss in “The Departed”;
Eddie Murphy, whose
swagger, sex drive, and ego were used to great effect in “Dreamgirls”;
and Brad Pitt, for
going gray and dialing down his usual theatrics in “Babel.”
Rinko Kikuchi – “Babel”
Of the four story strands in "Babel," the one
that resonates most is the one set in Japan - not just because it seems
so out of place with the other three, but because of Kikuchi's incredible
performance as a vulnerable, deaf-mute teenage girl desperately trying
to get laid. It warrants its own film and makes Kikuchi a talent to watch.
Runner-up: Catherine O'Hara –
“For Your Consideration” O'Hara has always
been the comic linchpin of Christopher Guest's films, but here she is
given her biggest role yet and handles herself wonderfully.
Honorable Mentions: Cate Blanchett,
as the unwitting object of Judi Dench's affection and deception in “Notes
on a Scandal”; Sandra
Bullock, stronger than ever as Harper Lee in “Infamous”;
Adriana Barrazza, for
making us feel her desperation in “Babel”;
Abigail Breslin, winning
and free of overbearing mugging and cuteness in “Little
Miss Sunshine”; Maggie
Gyllenhaal and Emma Thompson, for their free-spiritedness
and high-strungness, respectively, in “Stranger Than Fiction”;
and Jennifer Hudson,
who acts and sings victory laps around her female costars in “Dreamgirls.”
Alfonso Cuaron – “Children
of Men” One of the most difficult things to do
on the big screen is create a world so enveloping that the audience forgets
that it's watching a movie, and Cuaron is able to do just that in "Children
of Men." Perhaps equally impressive are the film's intense, daring,
single-take action sequences - the armed siege at the movie's climax is
one of the most impressive cinematic feats of this and any other year.
Runner-up: Sofia Coppola – “Marie
Antoinette” Coppola takes what would be a straightforward
biopic or museum piece in someone else's hands and infuses it with liveliness,
emotion, and modernity that few others could accomplish. Showing an impeccable
sense of tone and music, she has emerged as one of the finest filmmakers
of her generation.
Honorable Mentions: Darren Aronofsky,
continuing to push the artistic envelope with “The Fountain”;
David Lynch, delivering
his most mind-bending, challenging work yet with “Inland
Empire”; Michel Gondry,
for giving a sweet love story in the midst of his fanciful visuals in
“The Science of Sleep”; Alejandro
Gonzalez Innaritu, for impassioned pleas of understanding
in “Babel”; Kevin
McDonald, lending his documentary filmmaking background
to make “The Last King of Scotland” so engrossing;
Martin Scorsese, returning
to the mean streets for “The Departed”; and
Paul Greengrass, whose
mastery of documentary technique gave a chilling artistic sheen to the
morally bankrupt “United 93.”
“Little Miss Sunshine”
Believable family dynamics are always difficult to convey in movies, especially
in those that involve dysfunctional families, because you need to both
believe that the actors are a family and sympathize with the characters
when they're acting like assholes (you know, like your own family). The
cast - Abigail Breslin, Greg Kinnear, Toni Collette, Alan Arkin, Steve
Carell, and Paul Dano - nail those dynamics, and all have their turn to
shine.
Runner-up: Though many
of the characters are one-note, the cast of “The
Departed” is one of the best Scorsese has ever worked
with, as every role is solidly embodied, regardless of its size.
Honorable Mentions:
The remarkable international cast of “Babel”;
the case of “The History Boys,”
for ensuring that nothing was lost in the translation from stage to screen;
the superb cast of “A Prairie
Home Companion,” which populates Garrison Keillor's
show with a colorful array of characters; and the fresh, astute, carefully
observed performances in “Friends
With Money.”
“All the King's Men”
Steven Zaillian's remake of the 1949 Best Picture Oscar winner seemed
to have everything going for it - political and thematic resonance, solid
source material, and an astounding cast. But production conflicts, re-shoots,
arguments in the editing room, and studio ambivalence about the film,
which was originally slated for a 2005 release, turned it into a missed
opportunity. Widely panned by critics and ignored by audiences, it wasted
the likes of Sean Penn, Jude Law, Kate Winslet, Anthony Hopkins, Mark
Ruffalo, Patricia Clarkson, and James Gandolfini.
Runner-up: “Bobby”
The initial festival buzz coming from Emilio Estevez's look at 22 characters
whose lives intertwine at the Ambassador Hotel on the day of Robert Kennedy's
assassination was that it was the second coming of "Nashville."
It certainly didn't make good on that promise, instead coming off as an
overreaching made-for-TV drama by way of a star-studded episode of "The
Love Boat." Casualties included Anthony Hopkins, Elijah Wood, Demi
Moore, Heather Graham, Laurence Fishburne, William H. Macy, among many
others.
Dishonorable Mentions: “Lucky
Number Slevin,” which wallows in derivative, joyless,
Tarantino-lite cliches and wastes Ben Kingsley, Morgan Freeman, Bruce
Willis, Josh Hartnett, and Lucy Liu in the process; “Fast
Food Nation,” for failing to make Eric Schlosser's
excellent piece of investigative journalism anything remotely close to
cinematic narrative, taking Greg Kinnear, Catalina Sandino Moreno, Luis
Guzman, and Ethan Hawke down with it; “The
Holiday,” which squanders the likes of Kate Winslet,
Cameron Diaz, Jude Law, and Jack Black in trite romantic comedy fare;
“The Break-Up,”
which does the same for Vince Vaughn, Jennifer Aniston, Joey Lauren Adams,
Jon Favreau, Jason Bateman, and Judy Davis; and “The
Oh in Ohio,” a painfully unfunny sex comedy that
counts Parker Posey, Paul Rudd, Mischa Barton, and Danny De Vito among
its victims.
“Dreamgirls”
Another soulless musical that somehow wins critical adulation for its
cacophonous, ramshackle razzle-dazzle, Bill Condon's adaptation of the
Broadway hit has all the emotional heft of an "American Idol"
promo. Uninterested in things like character development and historical
accuracy, Condon, an otherwise talented filmmaker ("Gods and Monsters,"
"Kinsey"), pads his running time with countless montages, unremarkable
songs, and music business cliches to make sure things go quickly enough
so audiences won't notice his movie's hollow core.
Runner-up: “The Departed”
Many critics likened this to "GoodFellas," and while it superficially
resembles that untouchable, far superior film, "The Departed"
is much closer in spirit and execution to Scorsese's "Cape Fear"
- a reverent, well acted remake of an established piece of genre filmmaking
(in "The Departed"'s case, it's the 2002 Hong Kong import "Infernal
Affairs") that gets lauded in the press because, well, we're talking
about Marty. Not to say that "The Departed" is a bad movie -
I'll take subpar Scorsese over almost anything - but it's considerably
less impressive when seen in light of its source material. Netflix "Infernal
Affairs" and see.
Dishonorable Mentions: “United
93,” an empty, exploitative, unnecessary recreation
of the downed September 11th flight; Clint Eastwood's “Flags
of Our Fathers,” which perceptively maligns the
hero-making wartime media machine but becomes thuddingly repetitive over
the course of its bloated running time; Pixar's “Cars,”
which housed the weakest story of the animation pioneers' films to date;
and the senseless vanity project “Rocky
Balboa,” of which the most positive thing anyone
should say is, "At least it's not 'Rocky V.'"
“Idiocracy”
Mike Judge's long-anticipated follow-up to "Office Space" never
played at a theater near you - Fox buried the release of the film in light
of its brutal, incendiary social commentary. After he emerges from a top-secret
government hibernation program 500 years later than expected, Luke Wilson
finds himself in a world so dumbed down that even the mere acting of thinking
is dubbed "faggy" by the ignorant, slack-jawed morons that now
make up society. For those smart enough to know that the film is satire,
Netflix this one immediately. Hopefully a better DVD version will see
the light of day and give this the cult audience it rightfully deserves.
Runner-up: “Marie Antoinette”
Sofia Coppola's third film didn't nearly receive the attention of "Lost
in Translation," which is almost criminal. Maybe it's due to this
being more a director's showcase than an actor's one, but hopefully this
wins some new fans on DVD.
Honorable Mentions: “The Proposition,”
an uncompromising, blood-soaked Aussie western scripted by Nick Cave that
should appeal to the "Deadwood" crowd; the charming Keanu Reeves-Sandra
Bullock reunion “The Lake House,”
which takes an uncommonly heady romantic premise and presents it so matter-of-factly
that it becomes winsome; and “Nanny
McPhee,” the superb adaptation of Christianna Brand's
"Nurse Matilda" books with an engaging lead performance by Emma
Thompson.
“Shortbus”
John Cameron Mitchell's musical/dramedy/porno about New York City post-9/11
is rampant with sex scenes for every persuasion - straight, gay, voyeuristic,
dominant - and all of it was real. Its stabs at political commentary are
less successful, but at least they're inventive, especially in a gay threeway
that culminates in one of the most inspired usages of the American national
anthem ever committed to celluloid.
Runner-up: Salma Hayek and Colin Farrell
in “Ask the Dust” The love scenes are set
at night, but thanks to some carefully placed rays of moonlight, both
are most definitely naked - a definite must for Salma fans.
Honorable Mentions: Kate Winslet and
Patrick Wilson for the tussle in the laundry room in “Little
Children”; Maggie Gyllenhaal,
baring all once again, though as a much sluttier character, in “Sherrybaby”;
anything involving Sharon Stone and/or
David Morrissey in the trashy “Basic Instinct
2”; and the nude wrestling
scene between Sacha Baron Cohen and Ken Davitian in “Borat,”
a brilliant commentary that shows that most deeply homophobic
people can do the gayest things.
“Inland Empire”
It's David Lynch. Pick anything.
Runner-up: “Borat”
The aforementioned nude wrestling scene. Enough said.
Honorable Mentions: “Drawing
Restraint 49,” which takes Bjork's and performance
artist Matthew Barney's artforms to new levels of strangeness; and anything
involving Tom Hanks's hair in “The
Da Vinci Code.”
“The Departed”
Take crooked cops, copping robbers, shitkickers, gunrunners, Boston burrs,
and Irish brogues, and give the recipe to Martin Scorsese. He'll know
what to do.
Runner-up: “Casino Royale”
The best Bond film in ages goes back to basics: awesome action sequences,
a bewitching beauty (courtesy Eva Green), no cute jokes, no technological
gimmickry, fluid pacing, a nice game of cards, and a Bond (Daniel Craig)
that is repeatedly schooled in hard knocks and has the scars to prove
it.
Honorable Mentions: “Beerfest,”
the hilarious fratboy comedy courtesy of Broken Lizard; Michael Mann's
solid big-screen adaptation of “Miami
Vice”; and the rousing “Mission:
Impossible III,” easily the best (but hopefully
final) installment of the series.
“Friends With Money”
Though it doesn't reach the emotional heights of "Lovely & Amazing,"
writer/director Nicole Holofcener's wry, understated comedy about how
income can change friendship's dynamics boasts a quartet of fully realized
performances from Jennifer Aniston, Joan Cusack, Catherine Keener, and
Frances McDormand.
Runner-up: “The Devil Wears Prada”
Meryl Streep's superb performance is just one of the reasons to watch
this perceptive, well made adaptation of Lauren Weisberger's damning novel.
Honorable Mentions: “The Lake
House,” the sweet romance between Keanu Reeves and
Sandra Bullock that bridges the space-time continuum; “Trust
the Man,” the most pleasurable actor's romantic
comedy since "Keeping the Faith," this one starring Julianne
Moore, David Duchovny, Maggie Gyllenhaal, and Billy Crudup; and “Tristan
and Isolde,” a handsomely mounted retelling of the
British love story with James Franco and Sophia Myles as the doomed lovers.
“United 93” &
“World Trade Center”
Though the intentions of both these films are honorable, they reek of
studio exploitation. Unlike Gus Van Sant's "Elephant" or Paul
Greengrass's own "Bloody Sunday" (to cite just two recent examples),
Greengrass's "United 93" makes no attempt to emotionally or
politically comment on the actions and motives of those involved in the
tragic downed flight; it's simply an intense action movie that hides behind
the guise of historical accuracy to cover its moral bankruptcy. Considering
its director, Oliver Stone's "World Trade Center" is surprisingly
free of criticism or commentary, and while that was probably purposeful,
it resulted in a sanitized, forgettable piece of hero worship resembling
a generic TV movie of the week. And as if that isn't enough, only 10%
of both films' opening weekend grosses were donated to memorial funds.
Please re-read that.
Runner-up: Cheapie horror movies
This isn't anything new, but there seems to be an unusual glut of these
meat factory movies lately, almost all of them sequels and/or remakes
- "Saw III," "Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning,"
"The Grudge 2," "Final Destination 3," "Black
Christmas," "When a Stranger Calls," "An American
Haunting," "The Hills Have Eyes," "Hostel," "The
Omen," "Stay Alive," "Pulse," and "Turistas."
At least "Slither" did it with a sense of humor, and "The
Descent" - one of the best horror films in ages - was smart enough
to have us understand its characters before throwing them into peril.
Dishonorable Mentions:
The video game adaptations “Silent
Hill” and “Ultraviolet”;
the pandering “Date Movie,”
which gives brownie points to any one who has seen a movie in the past
five years; and everything under Worst
Sequel and Worst Remake (see below).
“Flags of Our Fathers”
It was more than a little discouraging when Clint Eastwood's eagerly anticipated
look at the American soldiers who raised the flag at Iwo Jima seemed cobbled
together from parts of "Saving Private Ryan" and "The Americanization
of Emily," though it lacked the former's immediacy and the latter's
caustic satire. Its take on the nature of heroism was a sorely needed
history lesson in this time of war, but its characters are less flesh-and-blood
and more cardboard, and its repetitive second half blunts the film's message.
Runner-up: “X-Men: The Last Stand”
Director Bryan Singer, who helmed and shaped the first two installations
in the series, left filming for the third movie mid-stream to helm "Superman
Returns." Brett Ratner, whose contributions to cinema include "The
Family Man" and the "Rush Hour" movies, was hired in his
place. To put it nicely, you could tell the difference.
Dishonorable Mentions:
Robert De Niro's lumbering, overlong “The
Good Shepherd”; Brian De Palma’s “The
Black Dahlia,” in which the once-promising director's
theatrics once again prevent him from making a film that is cohesive or
interesting for the duration of its running time; the stupendously awful
“Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny”;
the shrill film adaptation of Augusten Burroughs's “Running
With Scissors”; and the disastrous, non-sensical
“Let's Go to Prison,”
which hopefully will be the last awful thing "Bob & Mr. Show"'s Bob Odenkirk
puts his name on.
Everything comes in pairs!
It's not uncommon to see a film studio work to release their version of
a seemingly unique story before one of its competitors (remember when
"Antz" and "A Bug's Life" were released within months
of each other?), but this year was ridiculous. There was the other Truman
Capote biopic ("Infamous") released on the heels of last year's
Oscar-winner. Then there were two films centering on the World Trade Center
attacks ("United 93" and "World Trade Center"), two
films based on unsolved Hollywood murders ("The Black Dahlia"
and "Hollywoodland"), and - strangest of all - two films about
19th century magicians ("The Illusionist" and "The Prestige"
- three, if you count the age of the jokes in Woody Allen's "Scoop").
Runner-up: The
media overexposure surrounding “Snakes on a Plane”
More was written about the so-called box office bust of this B-movie than
about the movie itself. But for a film that was advertised primarily on
the Internet, had Samuel L. Jackson as its star, and featured CGI snakes,
it did excellent business: According to Box Office Mojo, it took in a
worldwide $60 million gross on a $33 million budget, and that's not counting
the likely profit it will make on rental fees.
Dishonorable Mention: The death of
theatrically released films? The media is already hyping
the fact that people will be downloading full-length movies before you
know it, but based on the big-budget, big-screen spectacles that ruled
the box office and the two films that made their online debuts this year
- Steven Soderbergh's lo-fi "Bubble" and the lightweight Morgan
Freeman-Paz Vega vehicle "10 Items or Less" - it's not happening
soon.
Rian Johnson – “Brick”
On the surface, film noir and the high school movie
seem like two disparate genres, but Johnson found the similarities, blended
the two, and struck all the right chords to create this arresting feature
debut.
Runner-up: Jonathan Dayton & Valerie
Faris – “Little Miss Sunshine” What's
most surprising about "Little Miss Sunshine?" It's not Alan
Arkin's heroin addiction. It's the stylistic constraint showed by Dayton
& Faris, the husband-wife directorial team known for their flamboyant
music videos for the likes of Smashing Pumpkins and Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Honorable Mentions: Dito Montiel,
for his "Mean Streets"-influenced coming-of-age tale “A
Guide to Recognizing Your Saints”; and J.J.
Abrams, for bringing his TV talents to the silver screen
in big ways for “Mission: Impossible III”
“The Departed”
It doesn't surpass its source material - the gritty 2002 Hong Kong import
"Infernal Affairs" - but Scorsese's well acted remake still
ran circles around many other films this year.
Runner-up: “Miami Vice”
Michael Mann ditches the '80s soundtrack and pastel shirts for his remake
of his own TV show, and though the result doesn't exactly redefine the
cop movie, it certainly could have been worse.
Honorable Mentions: “Pulse,”
which scores a few brownie points among J-horror retreads for at least
sticking to the concept and bloodless deaths of the original. Kiyoshi
Kurosawa's original is still much, much better, though.
“The Wicker Man”
The original 1973 British film about a devout police officer who finds
a society of pagans in her search for a missing girl is one of the cinema's
most underrated chillers. It was ripe for a remake, but this one is just
rotten. From Neil LaBute's gun-for-hire directorial work to Nicolas Cage's
increasingly annoying histrionics, the blame for this one is across the
board. Most unfortunate of all - it's not even bad enough to be called
good camp.
Runner-up: “The Pink Panther”
The original subtitle "The Search for Steve Martin's Dignity"
was wisely dropped before the film's release, which was shelved for two
years because even the studios knew it sucked. If Peter Sellers turned
over in his grave after Roberto Benigni played Clouseau, we should at
least take comfort in the fact that he's right side up again.
Dishonorable Mentions: The
sinking, camp-free “Poseidon”;
“The Last Kiss,”
another male menopause movie about whiny commitment-phobic men in their
30s - not that the original Italian film wasn't one to begin with; limp
remakes of B-movie horror staples “The
Omen” and “The
Hills Have Eyes”; and the pointless rehash of “The
Shaggy Dog,” ostensibly for Tim Allen's family and
friends.
“Superman Returns”
Bryan Singer abandoned "X-Men" to direct this, and who can blame
him? Like the aforementioned comic book franchise, Singer took on an imposing
pop mythology and breathed new life into it, helped immensely by newcomer
Brandon Routh and Kevin Spacey in a welcome return to form.
Runner-up: “Mission: Impossible
III” Easily the best of the series, it made Tom
Cruise tolerable and showed how much Philip Seymour Hoffman can do with
limited screen time.
Honorable Mentions: “Jackass:
Number Two,” which offered more of the same but
somehow maintained its own brand of goofy, dim-witted charm; and “Clerks
II,” which, while nowhere near the quality of the
original, justifies its existence with some sincere speeches about the
virtues - and, later, the pitfalls - of not growing up.
“Basic Instinct 2”
Arriving just 14 years after the original and without the participation
of Michael Douglas, director Paul Verhoeven, or even hack screenwriter
Joe Eszterhas, this unnecessary sequel is so bad it's stunning. More on
that later.
Runner-up: “Big Momma's House
2” Can movie studios save us all the trouble and
just pay off Martin Lawrence so he can stop making movies?
Dishonorable Mentions:
They came in three flavors: big budget spectacles (“X-Men:
The Last Stand,” “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest”
- a.k.a. The One Where Johnny Depp Flails His Arms About and Runs Away
From Things - “The
Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause”), animated films
(“Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties,”
“Ice Age 2: The Meltdown”) and horror flicks
(“Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The
Beginning,” “Final Destination 3,” “The Grudge
2,” “Saw III,” “Scary Movie 4,” “Underworld:
Evolution”).
Woody Allen – “Scoop”
With his role against type in "Anything Else"
being the only possible exception, watching Woody on screen in the past
ten years has become unbearably painful. His tired schtick and vaudevillian
jokes now bomb more often than they score, and his casting of actresses
young enough to be his grandchildren (or his wives - sorry, too easy)
call more attention to his age. Is it any surprise that "Match Point,"
in which he did not appear, is the best film he's made this decade?
Runner-up: Robin Williams – “RV”
& “Man of
the Year” More persuasive evidence that Mr. Williams
was funnier when he was on cocaine.
Dishonorable Mentions: Renee Zellweger,
whose cheeks continually threaten to swallow her face in “Miss
Potter”; and Beyonce
Knowles, whose acting range in “Dreamgirls”
and “The Pink Panther” can be reduced to
three faces: happy, sad, and sexy.
M. Night Shyamalan – “Lady
in the Water” My friends and devoted readers know
of my unmasked hatred for Shyamalan's cheap gimmickry and half-assed scripting
abilities, and his latest exercise in botched storytelling only confirms
my feelings toward him. Like George Lucas at his laziest, Shyamalan seems
to make up his mythology as the story plods along and changes the rules
to his whims rather than to the winds of logic. Most harmful to the hack
writer/director's case is one of his own characters - the film critic
played by Bob Balaban in the movie is supposedly Shyamalan's revenge towards
those who renounced his work, but he winds up making more sense than anyone
else in the movie. Stop this man before he films again.
Runner-up: Jared Hess – “Nacho
Libre” Hess's first feature was the reprehensibly
one-note "Napoleon Dynamite," and with this Jack Black vehicle
as a follow-up, Hess shows that he will likely be making the same movie
over and over again. Unlike the films of Jim Jarmusch or Wes Anderson,
whose deadpan style Hess nakedly attempts to copy, Hess shows great disdain
for his stereotypical characters and expects audiences to laugh at them
for their shortcomings.
Dishonorable Mention: Edward Zwick
for “Blood Diamond,” another distasteful
entry in White Man's Burden cinema.
“Stranger Than Fiction”
Zach Helm's much-lauded script is essentially cobbled together from Charlie
Kaufman screenplays - take the writer's block of "Adaptation"
and combine it with the inner-voice concept from "Being John Malkovich"
and the uptight guy/free-spirited girl romance from "Eternal Sunshine
of the Spotless Mind." A better description would be Charlie Kaufman
Lite, as it doesn't even begin to delve into themes as deeply as Kaufman
would. The result is a high-concept but decidedly mainstream comedy that
gives the impression of being profound when it really has nothing to say.
Runner-up: “Art School Confidential”
Director Terry Zwigoff's re-teaming with writer Daniel Clowes ("Ghost
World") reaps hilarious rewards when it sticks to its dissection
of the art school world, but loses its way when it devolves into a bizarre,
unnecessary serial killer subplot that nearly derails the entire picture.
Quasi-honorable Mention: “Down
in the Valley,” a "Taxi Driver"-esque
story of delusional modern-day cowboy Edward Norton and the obsessive
relationship he forges with Evan Rachel Wood, which sees a very promising
first half devolve into a pretentious, muddled mess in it second.
“Basic Instinct 2”
Like an awful train wreck you cannot dare take your eyes away from, this
ridiculous sequel starts with an accident so ludicrous - it involves Sharon
Stone and a football player taking drugs while fucking in a speeding car
- that you think nothing could get worse. Only it does and hilariously
so. It's this year's bad cinema masterpiece.
Runner-up: “Deja Vu”
This is the exact plot description from IMDB: "An ATF agent travels
back in time to save a woman from being murdered, falling in love with
her during the process." Holy shit, that sounds amazing! This being
a Tony Scott film, it's infected with his trademark ADD cinematography
and post-processing hackwork, though it does boast a great car chase sequence
that briefly nudges it to the just plain "good" category. Briefly.
Quasi-honorable Mention: “Snakes
on a Plane,” for obvious reasons, though its self-aware
nature - you can almost feel Samuel L. Jackson about to wink at the camera
- doesn't make it as campy as it could have been.
“Deck the Halls”
Danny De Vito and Matthew Broderick act like schoolboys comparing their
dicks to see who can put more Christmas lights on their house. This is
about as funny as getting kicked in the groin repeatedly, and just as
painful.
Runner-up: “RV”
Robin Williams gets to be covered in feces and does that white-boy rapper
bit? And it's for the whole family? Oh boy!
Dishonorable Mentions: “Little
Man” and “Big
Momma's House 2,” which prove that black people
love nothing more than midgets, fat suits, and crossdressing; “Scoop,”
Woody Allen's latest tired vehicle; two awful starring vehicles for Jack
Black: “Nacho Libre”
and “Tenacious D in The Pick
of Destiny”; the feature-length sitcom “You,
Me and Dupree”; and two embarrassingly bad romantic
comedies: “Failure to Launch”
and “The Holiday.”
Ridley Scott & Russell Crowe
Reteaming for the first time since "Gladiator," Scott and Crowe
made “A Good Year,” another dull, predictable
entry in the Rich Asshole Learns What Life Is All About genre. I'm not
sure what's worse - Crowe's desperate attempts at pathos, the idyllic
portrayal of seemingly every French villager, or Scott's inability to
let the camera linger too long on any of his Provence locations.
Runner-up: Oliver Stone
for his politically neutered “World Trade Center.”
Sure, he can go off the walls when left to his own devices, but at least
that would be more interesting than a two-hour episode of "Rescue
911."
Dishonorable Mention: Ed Harris,
thoroughly embarrassing in his monstrous, scatological portrayal of the
titular composer in “Copying Beethoven.”
And that’s a wrap! If you’ve made it this far, you can send all
praise, questions, comments, and hate mail directly to me.
|
