My 2005 Film Awards
By Nareg Torosian
“The New World”
Terrence Malick’s indescribably beautiful take on the John Smith-Pocahontas
legend is the rarest of gems – an intimate epic that not only resonates
on an emotional level but makes you feel as if you’re witnessing
history.
Runner-up: “Good Night, and Good
Luck” Newsman Edward R. Murrow’s televised
battle with Senator Joseph McCarthy in 1953 gets the glossless docudrama
approach it so rightly deserves, courtesy of George Clooney.
Honorable Mentions: “A History of
Violence,” David Cronenberg’s masterful dissection
of the cyclical nature of violence; “Sin
City,” Robert Rodriguez’s perfect adaptation
of Frank Miller’s comic book series; and “Munich,”
Steven Spielberg’s surprisingly tough dramatization of the aftermath
of the terrorist actions that took place during the 1972 Summer Olympics.
“Grizzly Man”
The cinema of German master Werner Herzog (“Aguirre: The Wrath of
God,” “Fitzcarraldo”) has two overarching themes: humanity’s
struggle in an unfamiliar environment and the personal costs of obsession.
Timothy Treadwell, the subject of “Grizzly Man,” incarnates
both: Consumed with his love for grizzly bears, he lived among the animals
in Alaska for 13 years – until one of the grizzlies attacked and
killed him and his girlfriend in October 2003. Weaving together footage
shot and narrated by Treadwell with interviews from Treadwell’s
friends and actual animal experts and scientists (Treadwell had no formal
training in animal behavior), Herzog presents a fascinating cautionary
tale.
Runner-up: “Murderball”
A passionate, gritty, and highly engrossing look at the world of wheelchair
rugby, “Murderball” follows a group of quadriplegic athletes
as they recount their drives and tragedies en route to the 2004 Paralympics.
Inspirational without resorting to sentiment, Henry Alex Rubin and Dana
Adam Shapiro’s doc mirrors the credo of one of its subjects: “I’m
not here for a hug. I’m here for a medal.”
Honorable Mentions: “The White
Diamond,” Herzog’s chronicle of a British
scientist consumed with creating a flying canopy for exploring the Amazon;
“Enron: The Smartest Guys in
the Room,” the quietly devastating adaptation of
the best-selling book by Bethany McLean and Peter Elkind; and the charming
and enlightening “March of the
Penguins.”
“Caché (Hidden)”
A bourgeois French family (headed by Daniel Auteuil and
Juliette Binoche) starts receiving a series of videotapes accompanied
with sinister drawings on their front porch. The first few tapes show
that their house is being monitored, but the footage gradually becomes
more personal, hinting that the sender has known the family for some time.
That’s just the setup for this intense thriller, one of the most
discussed films of the year and richly deserving of the comparisons to
Alfred Hitchcock, thanks to the assured direction of Cannes winner Michael
Haneke (“The Piano Teacher,” “Code Unknown”).
Runner-up: “Nobody Knows”
Inspired by true events that occurred in Japan in 1988, this compassionate
drama follows four young children – the oldest of which is 12 years
old and each of whom has been fathered by different men – as they
struggle for survival after their mother abandons them. Featuring a remarkable
performance by the young Yuya Yagira, which won Best Actor honors at 2005’s
Cannes Film Festival (Yagira could not attend the ceremony because he
had exams the same day), this is a heartbreaking film that will long reside
in your memory.
Honorable Mentions: “Oldboy,”
Park Chan-wook’s harrowing, off-the-wall revenge story; “Kontroll,”
a stylish thriller with touches of comedy and romance that takes place
in the subterranean world of Budapest’s subway system; “The
Beat That My Heart Skipped,” Jacques Audiard’s
excellent remake of James Toback’s “Fingers,” about
a young man who is torn between his potential for being a classical pianist
and his work as a thug for his gangster father; and “Hands,”
Wong Kar-Wai’s contribution to the short-film anthology “Eros,”
which does a better job of evoking the romantic melancholy of “In
the Mood for Love” than his busy “2046,” also released
stateside in 2005.
Philip Seymour Hoffman – “Capote”
The fact that Hoffman was able to capture author Truman Capote’s
effete mannerisms and singular vocal patterns was impressive enough, but
by delving into Capote’s obsessiveness and crippling narcissism,
Hoffman delivers a rich psychological portrait that few actors can achieve.
Runner-up: Heath Ledger – “Brokeback
Mountain” Evoking the spirit of a young Marlon
Brando, Ledger gives a superbly nuanced performance of a man so inward
and unable to express his emotions that he implodes from the psychological
weight.
Honorable Mentions: David Strathairn,
commanding in his uncanny performance as newsman Edward R. Murrow in “Good
Night, and Good Luck”; Bill
Murray, who delivers the finest performance of his career
as the aging ladies’ man in “Broken Flowers”;
Jeff Daniels, also
giving his career performance as a snobbish professor going through a
painful divorce in “The Squid and the Whale”;
Joaquin Phoenix, surprisingly
effective as Johnny Cash in “Walk the Line”;
Russell Crowe, showing once again that he can give a
great performance despite a mundane script in “Cinderella
Man”; Terrence Howard,
with an outstanding breakout role in the otherwise trite “Hustle
& Flow”; Ralph Fiennes,
giving us another of his passionate aristocrats in “The
Constant Gardener”; Tommy
Lee Jones, calling to mind the protagonists of John Ford
and Sam Peckinpah in “The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada”;
Viggo Mortensen, potent
as the family man with a hidden past in “A History of Violence”;
Kevin Costner, delivering
his best performance in years as a washed-up former baseball player in
“The Upside of Anger”; Eric
Bana, excellent as the man undergoing an ethical crisis
in “Munich”; Joseph
Gordon-Levitt, as a teenage hustler struggling with the
memory of childhood sexual abuse miles detached from his “3rd Rock
From the Sun” role in “Mysterious Skin”;
and Steve Carell, for
his hilarious but touching lead performance in “The 40-Year-Old
Virgin.”
Reese Witherspoon – “Walk the Line”
June Carter always seemed like a ditz when singing with future husband
Johnny Cash on stage, but those who were close to her knew that she was
a headstrong woman trying to mask her hidden traumas and insecurities.
Witherspoon nails this dichotomy perfectly by marrying her trademark cheeriness
with an unguarded vulnerability, easily making this her best performance
since “Election.”
Runner-up: Joan Allen – “The
Upside of Anger” & “Yes” One of
the best and most underappreciated character actresses in cinema today,
Allen retreated from her mainstream work last year (“The Bourne
Supremacy” and “The Notebook”) and delivered a pair
of uncompromised, fully realized performances in indie films. In “Upside,”
she somehow makes a cold, alcoholic, middle-aged housewife struggling
to raise her four daughters solo a three-dimensional human being rather
than a Lifetime-movie-of-the-week cliché. In Sally Potter’s
“Yes,” she plays an Irish-American scientist who slowly begins
an affair with a Lebanese expatriate – all while delivering her
lines in iambic pentameter. How’s that for range?
Honorable Mentions: Felicity Huffman,
for her pre-operative transsexual coming to grips with the boy she fathered
in “Transamerica”; Laura
Linney, giving us another brainy, hilarious performance
as the adulteress wife in “The Squid and the Whale”;
Keira Knightley, finally
given a chance to show her acting chops in “Pride and Prejudice”;
Naomi Watts, who made
us believe she had real feelings for “King Kong”
and showed how tough it is to break into Hollywood as “Ellie
Parker”; Charlize Theron,
for a powerful performance in the otherwise over-calculated “North
Country”; Q’orianka
Kilcher, delivering an outstanding debut performance as
a teenaged Pocahontas in “The New World”;
Gwyneth Paltrow, excellent
as she struggles with her potential madness and for being the only reason
to watch “Proof”; Radha
Mitchell, dexterously shifting between comedy and drama
as both title characters in Woody Allen’s otherwise disappointing
“Melinda and Melinda”; Claire
Danes, wonderful as the fragile beauty in “Shopgirl”;
Judi Dench, doing her
haughty, flippant Dame shtick like nobody else in “Mrs.
Henderson Presents”; and Natasha
Richardson, who nearly redeems the overblown nuthouse
drama “Asylum” with her powerful performance.
William Hurt – “A History of Violence”
Hurt has one big scene and perhaps four minutes of screen time as a mob
boss in “History,” but, damn, does he make it count. His charming
sociopath encapsulates all the themes of the film, sets an uneasy tone
for the rest of the movie, and shows us a side of Hurt we never knew existed.
Runner-up: Jake Gyllenhaal – “Brokeback
Mountain” As the more outgoing of “Brokeback”’s
cowboy pair, Gyllenhaal deftly plays off Heath Ledger’s taciturn
role, delivering a heartrending performance of a man who wears his emotions
on his sleeve since his partner doesn’t know how to.
Honorable Mentions: Jesse Eisenberg
and Owen Kline, excellent as brothers trying to adapt
to their parents’ divorce in “The Squid and the Whale”;
Jeffrey Wright, stealing
each scene he’s in as the relentlessly cheerful amateur sleuth trying
to help Bill Murray in “Broken Flowers”;
Matt Dillon and Don Cheadle,
excelling as a racist cop and a weary detective, respectively, in “Crash”;
Frank Langella and Ray Wise,
for no-nonsense network head William Paley and troubled news anchor Don
Hollenbeck, respectively, in “Good Night, and Good Luck”;
George Clooney, for
putting on 30 pounds and struggling with his conscience in “Syriana”;
Paul Giamatti, who
manages to be very effective in spite of his hackneyed role as the tough-talkin’
boxing trainer in “Cinderella Man”; and Ghassan
Massoud, for the refreshingly intelligent and stereotype-free
portrayal of 12th-century Muslim potentate Saladin in “Kingdom
of Heaven.”
Amy Adams – “Junebug” You might remember
Adams for her bit work as a beauty show contestant in “Drop Dead
Gorgeous” or the young nurse that Leonardo DiCaprio nearly marries
in “Catch Me If You Can,” but you won’t forget her after
you see her in “Junebug.” As the sweet, wide-eyed, and very
pregnant wife of an emerging North Carolina clan, Adams delivers the most
endearing comic performance of the year.
Runner-up: Maria Bello – “A History
of Violence” Bello gained the strongest critical
reception of her career for her role in “The Cooler” two years
ago, but her performance in “History” eclipses it. As a small-town
wife trying to comprehend the violent actions taken by her husband while
trying to maintain the guise of a normal family, she runs the gamut of
emotions and pulls off an amazing act.
Honorable Mentions: Michelle Williams,
as the caring but suspicious wife who gets wise to the purpose of Heath
Ledger’s “fishing trips” in “Brokeback
Mountain”; Catherine
Keener, who had another banner year with her roles as
Harper Lee in “Capote,” a “hot grandmother”
in “The 40-Year-Old-Virgin,” and a hippie
divorcee in “The Ballad of Jack and Rose”;
Rachel Weisz, for her
passionate, sexy, intelligent idealist in “The Constant
Gardener”; Scarlett
Johansson,
as the smoldering but boisterous American among the Brits of “Match
Point”; Shirley MacLaine,
easily stealing her scenes as a headstrong grandmother in the otherwise
disappointing “In Her Shoes”; Frances
McDormand, adding to her repertoire of feisty Midwesterners
with her fine role in “North Country”; and
Sandra Bullock, for
breaking her America’s sweetheart image and spouting some very un-Sandra-like
racial epithets in “Crash.”
Terrence Malick – “The New World”
One of the most enigmatic figures in film history and a favorite of cineastes
everywhere, Malick has only made four films in 32 years (1973’s
“Badlands,” 1978’s “Days of Heaven,” and
1998’s “The Thin Red Line” being the others), but all
of them have been masterpieces. Combining his trademark elliptical narrative
techniques with gorgeous outdoor photography and coaxing unadorned, natural
performances from his cast, Malick makes his latest picture feel like
an historical document – not a movie about history. He’s perhaps
the only living director that would be able to adapt poetry to the silver
screen.
Runners-up: Robert Rodriguez &
Frank Miller – “Sin City” Rodriguez
was so incensed at the Director’s Guild of America when they wouldn’t
let non-member Miller share directing credit on the film adaptation of
his graphic novel series that he tore up his membership card and quit
the union. You can see why Rodriguez had a point – Miller’s
comics are less an inspiration than a living blueprint, as he matches
the colors, visual angles, and atmosphere set by Miller’s work frame
for frame. Though the film is heavy on CGI, it never feels distracting
or overly showy, and Rodriguez’s brisk pacing and confident storytelling
never betray the movie for a second.
Honorable Mentions: David Cronenberg,
delivering perhaps his best work in his long career with “A
History of Violence”; George Clooney,
toning down the visual pyrotechnics of “Confessions of a Dangerous
Mind” for the lean, mature black-and-white needed for “Good
Night, and Good Luck”; Ang Lee, for painting
an epic love story on a modest scale in “Brokeback Mountain”;
Steven Spielberg, trading in his trademark sentimentality
for the rough-hewn lessons in “Munich”; Gus
Van Sant, brilliantly rounding out his minimalist trilogy
with the haunting “Last Days”; Woody
Allen, back in peak form for “Match Point”;
Noah Baumbach, who
evidently learned a thing or two from collaborator Wes Anderson when making
“The Squid and the Whale”; Fernando
Mereilles, once again showing the stylistic prowess of
“City of God” in “The Constant Gardener”;
and Gregg Araki, finally
growing out of his teen angst and delivering the uncharacteristically
mature “Mysterious Skin.”
“The Squid and the Whale”
As is the case for most modestly budgeted, dialogue-driven indie features,
the key for success is great actors, and writer/director Noah Baumbach’s
outstanding script, which finds the pain and humor in a family going through
a rough divorce, is perfectly complemented by its cast: Jeff Daniels,
giving the performance of a lifetime as an emotionally detached literature
professor; the always outstanding Laura Linney; fantastic turns by up-and-comers
Jesse Eisenberg and Owen Kline (son of Kevin); and, in smaller supporting
roles, Anna Paquin and a well used William Baldwin.
Runner-up: The cast
of “A History of Violence,”
had the difficult task of playing characters who act through hidden motivations
that belie yet complement their seemingly telling facial features and
attitudes. Luckily, the likes of Viggo Mortensen, Maria Bello, Ed Harris,
and William Hurt pull it off wonderfully.
Honorable Mentions:
The cast of “Good Night, and
Good Luck,” bringing a naturalness and immediacy
to the film’s political material; “Brokeback
Mountain,” for elevating a “gay cowboy movie”
to a film that should speak to anyone who’s been involved with a
forbidden love; the superb cast of “Broken
Flowers,” which gives ample room for Bill Murray’s
central performance while fleshing out its supporting characters in delicate
strokes; the remarkable international cast of the globe-hopping “Syriana”;
the surprising tenderness and camaraderie among the guys of the coming-of-middle-age
comedy “The 40-Year-Old Virgin”;
and the strong performances registered by the cast of “Crash.”
“Bewitched”
Just the idea of remaking the TV show is stupid to begin with, but by
casting Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrell in the leads, the lack of romantic
chemistry should have been easy to spot on paper, let alone when the cameras
started rolling. Semi-memorable bits by Jason Schwartzman, Steve Carell,
Amy Sedaris, and Richard Kind would have been put to better use had the
material had some merit, but worst of all is the total waste of reuniting
Shirley MacLaine and Michael Caine in the same movie and not letting them
have any decent scenes together. Let’s hope that a remake of “Tabitha”
isn’t in the works.
Runner-up: “Rumor Has It”
Stories of script and director changes in preproduction (original writer/director
Ted Griffin, who wrote “Matchstick Men” and the remake of
“Ocean’s Eleven,” was replaced by Rob Reiner) certainly
seemed to have an effect on this movie, which seems like it was cobbled
together on the fly and squanders some great comic opportunities. A good
movie could have come out of it, but in this version, Jennifer Aniston,
Shirley MacLaine, Kevin Costner, Mark Ruffalo, and Mena Suvari are left
out to dry.
Dishonorable Mentions: “The
Family Stone,” which does nothing for the noisy,
unrealistic, and banal subgenre of holiday dysfunctional family movies
except piss away the talents of Diane Keaton, Clare Danes, Rachel McAdams,
Dermot Mulroney, Craig T. Nelson, Luke Wilson, and an increasingly shrill
Sarah Jessica Parker; “Proof,”
for giving Gwyneth Paltrow a great central role but saddling the rest
of the cast with roles they’ve done before (Anthony Hopkins, Jake
Gyllenhaal) or that insult their intelligence (Hope Davis); and “Must
Love Dogs,” which squanders the likes of Diane Lane,
John Cusack, Dermot Mulroney, Christopher Plummer, and Stockard Channing
in trite romantic comedy fare.
“Hustle & Flow”
Terrence Howard’s central performance deserves all the praise it
can get, and the film’s most talked about scene – watching
Howard, Anthony Anderson, and DJ Qualls assembling the track that will
become “Whoop That Trick” in their makeshift Memphis studio
– is incendiary. But this amazingly pedestrian Sundance winner has
little else to offer and reinforces three negative stereotypes that champions
of the movie failed to spot: 1) all blacks living in ghettos are pimps,
hos, and drug dealers; 2) the only way out of the ghetto is by becoming
a rapper; and 3) the only way you can score in the music biz is to know
Whitey. It’s a rap “Rocky” even more mythologized than
“8 Mile.”
Runner-up: “Me and You and Everyone
We Know” Performance artist Miranda July’s
directorial debut was the early pick for 2005’s critics’ darling,
winning awards at Sundance at Cannes. While it has its charm and its share
of memorable scenes (most memorably the “back and forth” scene),
July makes her points about alienation in an increasingly suburban and
technological world quickly, obviously, and repeatedly, employing methods
of quirkiness that are endearing at first but devolve into annoyance.
Dishonorable Mentions: “Crash,”
which despite its terrific acting and direction, goes overboard with its
cautionary message and trades in subtlety for melodrama; Tim Burton’s
remake of “Charlie and the Chocolate
Factory” was serviceable but little else and featured
an uncharacteristically uninteresting performance from Johnny Depp; and
Rob Marshall’s revolting Americanization of “Memoirs
of a Geisha,” which Ed Gonzalez of “Slant
Magazine” rightfully dubbed, “Ringling Brothers and Barnum
& Bailey’s Memoirs of a Geisha.”
“Mysterious Skin”
Writer/director Gregg Araki is best known in indie film circles for his
“teen apocalypse” trilogy (“Totally Fucked Up,”
“The Doom Generation,” and “Nowhere”), a series
of disjointed, nihilistic crap that has its share of supporters. Considering
Araki’s filmography, “Mysterious Skin” comes off as
something of a small miracle – so small, that it’s barely
been noticed. His adaptation of Scott Heim’s 1996 novel about how
two teenage boys have been affected by childhood sexual abuse is easily
the best work of his career, showing care and hopefulness towards the
characters but without trivializing the horrors they have experienced.
Runner-up: “Unleashed”
Known in Europe as “Danny the Dog,” “Unleashed”
was advertised stateside as a Jet Li vehicle, but film geeks knew it had
all the fingerprints of producer Luc Besson (“La Femme Nikita,”
“Leon: The Professional,” “The Transporter”).
And while it delivers the gonzo action sequences we’ve come to expect
from Besson, the story’s tender (many read as “corny”)
second act gave the movie some surprises nobody expected.
Honorable Mentions: “The Ice
Harvest,” Harold Ramis’s unjustly ignored
comedic film noir with John Cusack and Billy Bob Thornton; “Millions,”
an unlikely family film from “Trainspotting” and “28
Days Later” director Danny Boyle; the uneven but raucously funny
high school comedy “Pretty Persuasion,”
which makes the casual misanthropy of “Heathers” seem mild
by comparison; and two curiously low-key vehicles for Nicolas Cage: Andrew
Niccol’s biting gun-running satire “Lord
of War,” which features the best opening credits
sequence of the year, and Gore Verbinski’s “The
Weather Man,” which, while unsuccessful, is unusually
morose for a major studio picture.
“9 Songs”
Clocking in at a scant 69 (tee hee) minutes, workaholic British director
Michael Winterbottom’s “9 Songs” is a movie that is
literally about sex and rock n’ roll. Chronicling the relationship
of a young British scientist (Kieran O’Brien) with a free-spirited
American girl (Margo Stilley) solely through the concerts they attended
and the love they made, it’s little more than watching rampant,
artfully directed sex, occasionally interrupted by concert footage of
Franz Ferdinand. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Runner-up: Maria Bello and Viggo Mortensen
in “A History of Violence” Pretending they’re
still in high school, Bello puts on a cheerleader uniform and seduces
Mortensen faster than you can say “Coyote Ugly,” and marks
the hottest sex scene in a David Cronenberg movie not to include videotape-swallowing
orifices, medieval gynecological instruments, or a vehicular accident.
Honorable Mentions: Heath Ledger and
Jake Gyllenhaal for the man-love scene that will make
homophobes cringe in “Brokeback Mountain”;
the three-way with Kevin Bacon, Colin Firth, and Alison Lohman
that gave Atom Egoyan’s otherwise disappointing “Where
the Truth Lies” its NC-17 rating; the roll in the rainy
English countryside with Scarlett Johansson and Jonathan Rhys-Meyers
in “Match Point”; the hilarious
online chat room sequences involving seven-year-old Brandon Ratcliff
and the truthful, awkward blowjob scene with adolescent
Miles Thompson and two of his female classmates in “Me
and You and Everyone We Know”; and for the really curious
who ever wanted to know the physics involved in chicken
fucking, check out that scene in “The Devil’s
Rejects.”
“Sin City”
It already has a built-in audience with Frank Miller’s fans, but
any film that features Benicio Del Toro vomiting up his own urine and
Bruce Willis tearing off a sex offender’s scrotum isn’t exactly
vying for mainstream success.
Runner-up: “The Devil’s
Rejects” Making good on the promise of “House
of 1,000 Corpses,” Rob Zombie delivers another gruesome grindhouse
throwback that will delight genre aficionados. Gorehounds rejoice!
Honorable Mentions: “The Aristocrats,”
the profanity-laden performance documentary about the world’s dirtiest
joke; and Neil Jordan’s adaptation of Patrick McCabe’s “Breakfast
on Pluto,” which tries to mix high camp with earnest
insight and features a bizarre central performance by Cillian Murphy.
“Stealth”
Though it wasn’t widely published by the media, “Stealth”
made movie history this year – it became the biggest money loser
since records of box office tallies were kept by film distributors, becoming
the first film to lose a studio over $100 million during its initial theatrical
release. Oh, and it’s a total piece of shit, too.
Runner-up: “The Island”
Bruckheimer puppet Michael Bay decided to direct a movie outside of Bruckheimer’s
production company, but the results – a dismal, offensive, half-assed
sci-fi flick with a plot so closely mirroring the 1979 B-movie “Clonus”
that its makers are suing Bay – are predictably crappy.
Dishonorable Mentions:
The video game adaptations “Doom”
and “Alone in the Dark,”
and the slew of films in the runner-up position in the Most Annoying
Trend category (see below).
“Land of the Dead”
When news broke that George A. Romero was going to be given the money
to do his long-awaited follow-up to his zombie “Dead” trilogy,
genre enthusiasts started salivating like Pavlov’s dogs. It was
immaterial that Romero hadn’t directed a movie in five years…until
the finished product was released. Lacking the sympathetic characters,
natural performances, and clever social satire that he made staples of
the genre, Romero’s latest work was less “Dead” than
“Stillborn.”
Runner-up: “Elizabethtown”
After taking several years off to recover from the misfire “Vanilla
Sky,” Cameron Crowe decided to return to the small-scale, dialogue-driven
character pieces he specialized in. Too bad he turned in this misconceived,
disjointed remake of “Garden State,” featuring a typically
hollow central performance by Orlando Bloom and an artificially manipulated
turn by Kirsten Dunst.
Dishonorable Mentions:
The heavily anticipated screen adaptation of “The
Fantastic Four”; Kiwi director Niki Caro’s
“North Country,”
whose TV-movie-of-the-week handling of America’s first sexual discrimination
lawsuit is particularly disappointing in light of the way she handled
the feminist themes in the magical “Whale Rider”; Sam Mendes’s
visually striking but insignificant “Jarhead,”
which adds nothing new to the well worn war movie genre; and two more
misfires from talented auteurs that should know better: Terry Gilliam’s
overly busy “The Brothers Grimm”
and Atom Egoyan’s kinky but empty “Where
the Truth Lies.”
The American media hyping this year’s
“disappointing” box office In one of many
articles that appeared in newspapers throughout the year, “Daily
Variety” reported that the total box office receipts for the year
were around $8.75 billion, down 5 percent from $9.2 billion a year ago,
while admissions dropped 11 percent to 1.32 billion from 1.48 billion,
marking the third consecutive year of declining U.S. theatrical attendance.
Does this mean the sky is falling? And why don’t these articles
ever mention that the price of a movie ticket has grown to an all-time
high (an average of $6.40 according to the National Association of Theater
Owners) or that filmgoers have to sit through 15 minutes of commercials
and previews when the movie should be starting? Maybe there’s some
cause and effect here?
Runner-up: Waiting more than three
years for the (unnecessary) sequel To the makers of “Deuce
Bigalow: European Gigolo,” “Son of the Mask,” “The
Legend of Zorro,” “Miss Congeniality 2,” and “Be
Cool”: If you’re going to release a sequel, do it while the
original is somewhat fresh in people’s minds. Or, better yet, just
save us the trouble and the money and don’t make one at all.
Dishonorable Mention: Lack of decent female
roles in Hollywood movies This isn’t surprising,
as it’s been a trend in Hollywood for years, but this year’s
Oscar pool of actresses does not include a single performance from a big-budgeted
movie (unless Naomi Watts gets nominated for “King Kong”).
Miranda July – “Me and You and Everyone We Know”
Yes, the film is overrated, but July’s directorial debut
is a singular one – the entire film, from the dialogue and acting
to the music and cinematography, is fully realized to her (overly) precious
vision.
Runner-up: Paul Haggis – “Crash”
Before gaining his biggest critical kudos for writing
the script to Clint Eastwood’s “Million Dollar Baby,”
Haggis was known for scripting such TV shows as “L.A. Law,”
“thirtysomething,” and “Due South.” And while
his ability to neatly tie up plot strings betray the messy nature of real
life in “Crash,” his character juggling and action sequences
make Haggis a talent to watch.
Honorable Mentions: Tommy Lee Jones,
for updating the themes of classic Westerns in contemporary Mexico in
“The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada”;
Phil Morrison, for
bringing an authenticity reminiscent of Jim Jarmusch or Wes Anderson to
the North Carolina town in “Junebug”; British
TV miniseries veteran Joe Wright,
for his memorable big-screen adaptation of “Pride and Prejudice”;
music video veteran Mike Mills,
for his stylish coming-of-age gem “Thumbsucker”;
“Gosford Park” scribe Jamie
Fellowes, for “Separate Lies,”
his piercing look at damaged adult relationships; and Aussie Greg
McLean, for creating a mounting sense of dread for the
characters of “Wolf Creek.”
“March of the Penguins”
A relatively straightforward nature documentary about, as John Cleese
put it, “these comic, flightless, web-footed little bastards”
grossed nearly $80 million dollars at the domestic box office.
Runner-up: Audience turnout for “Cinderella
Man” and “Memoirs of a Geisha” Two
of the most hyped pieces of audience-pleasing Oscar bait of the year barely
made a dent at the box office, much to the relief of curmudgeons everywhere.
Honorable Mentions: “Red Eye,”
Wes Craven’s most vital and exciting picture since “Scream,”
and Woody Allen’s “Match
Point,” which, while not without its flaws, is the
best picture he’s made in years.
“King Kong”
Though it can never be as iconic as and doesn’t possess the economic
storytelling of the 1933 classic, Peter Jackson’s remake improves
on the original’s special effects and fleshes out the central woman-ape
relationship with an exceptional performance by Naomi Watts.
Runner-up: “The Bad News Bears”
Billy Bob Thornton fits comfortably in the shoes of Walter Matthau in
this solid update of the beloved 1976 sports comedy, directed by Richard
Linklater with the same irreverence and cheerful obscenity of Michael
Ritchie’s original.
Honorable Mentions: “War of the Worlds,”
Steven Spielberg’s sleek update of H.G. Wells’s story for
a post-9/11 Earth; the Farrelly Brothers’ surprisingly sweet and
gentle Americanization of “Fever
Pitch”; and the nearly forgotten remake of “Assault
on Precinct 13,” which never betrays the indie spirit
of John Carpenter’s low-budget classic and features serviceable
work by Laurence Fishburne, Ethan Hawke, Maria Bello, Drea de Matteo,
and John Leguizamo.
“The Dukes of Hazzard”
Easily one of the worst films of 2005, this joyless, laugh-free retread
of the popular TV show (1979-85) has absolutely nothing to recommend,
which is even more depressing considering that it was directed by Broken
Lizard member Jay Chandrasekhar (“Super Troopers,” “Club
Dread”). Even Jessica Simpson fanboys will be disappointed –
ironic fans can enjoy her idiocy more on the DVD set for “Newlyweds,”
while horndogs will find more wanking material in any of her music videos.
Runner-up: “The Producers”
An extravagant, big-budget failure, this lifeless adaptation of the Broadway
musical (itself an adaptation of Mel Brooks’s hilarious 1968 classic)
is a textbook example of how not to translate musicals or comedies to
the big screen. Director Susan Strohman seems to think that nailing the
camera down in one position for disproportionately long periods of time
is perfect for the rhythms of comedy, particularly when the jokes fall
flatter than a steamrolled pancake.
Dishonorable Mentions: The
unnecessary remakes of TV shows “Bewitched”
and “The Honeymooners”;
“Guess Who,”
the miscalculated, “Meet the Parents”-ish retread of 1967’s
“Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?”; limp remakes of B-movie
horror staples “House of Wax,”
“The Fog,” and “The
Amityville Horror”; and the loud, pointless rehash
of “Yours, Mine, and Ours”
for the Ritalin generation.
“Batman Begins”
“Memento” director Christopher Nolan and “Dark City”
screenwriter David S. Goyer resuscitate the dying film series with a style,
wit, and energy unseen since Tim Burton was given control of the Caped
Crusader. Christian Bale is ideally cast in the lead, but the entire cast
is excellent, with high marks going to Cillian Murphy, Michael Caine,
Gary Oldman, Liam Neeson, and Morgan Freeman.
Runner-up: “Star Wars: Episode
III - Revenge of the Sith” Easily the best of the
three prequels in the series (which isn’t really saying much), George
Lucas can finally put his space opera to rest. Right?
Honorable Mentions: “The Transporter
2,” the absurd, physics-defying, balls-to-the-wall,
and superior sequel to the 2002 actioner; and “Harry
Potter and the Goblet of Fire,” which, while not
as interesting as the preceding installment by Alfonso Cuaron, has charms
of its own.
“Son of the Mask”
Arriving just 11 years after the original Jim Carrey vehicle, this remarkably
craptacular sequel strains to be zany and funny but winds up being neither.
Runner-up: “The Legend of Zorro”
What do Nytol and the sequel to “The Mask of Zorro” have in
common? Both will help you catch your Z’s.
Dishonorable Mentions: Take
your pick: “Cheaper by the Dozen
2,” “Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous,” “Deuce
Bigalow: European Gigolo,” “XXX: State of the Union,”
“The Ring Two,” “Elektra,” “Be Cool”
and “Land of the Dead.”
Jennifer Lopez – “Monster-in-Law” & “An
Unfinished Life” J. Lo laughably tried to play J. Po once
again, somehow thinking that her being Latina is qualification enough
for playing working class characters, when she looks like the most pampered
woman on the planet. Her role in “Monster-in-Law” is the same
rom-com pap she’s been shilling since “The Wedding Planner,”
but her performance as a Southern (?) woman in “An Unfinished Life”
is so awful that the camera actually cuts away from her during her emotional
scenes.
Runner-up: 50 Cent – “Get Rich
or Die Tryin’” It’s like watching a
strategically shaved gorilla try to act, except most gorillas are trainable.
Dishonorable Mentions: Burt Reynolds,
who looked uncomfortably stiff in “The Longest Yard”
and nearly anemic in “The Dukes of Hazzard”;
and Tyler Perry, whose cross-dressing shtick and attempts
at “comedy” in “Diary of a Mad Black Woman”
should be deemed as offensive as the broad African-American caricatures
Spike Lee painfully lampooned in “Bamboozled.”
Lasse Hallstrom – “An Unfinished Life” &
“Casanova” Once a promising director of such unique
coming-of-age tales as “My Life as a Dog” and “What’s
Eating Gilbert Grape,” Hallstrom has been Miramax’s go-to
guy for staid mainstream crap with literary pedigrees (“The Cider
House Rules,” “Chocolat,” “The Shipping News”).
He continued his remarkable slide with the unremarkable Western family
drama “An Unfinished Life” (which was shelved by its distributors
for two years) and the glossy but thoroughly conventional “Casanova.”
Runner-up: Chris Columbus – “Rent”
The film adaptation of the Pulitzer Prize-winning musical
could not have come at a worse time – not just because Tony Kushner’s
“Angels in America” (and Mike Nichols subsequent TV adaptation)
dealt with AIDS more creatively and poetically than Jonathan Larson’s
work, but because of its perfectly succinct lampooning in the “Everyone
Has AIDS” musical number in “Team America: World Police.”
Only a master craftsman could have seen – and maybe even overcome
– the inherent silliness in presenting such gritty material in the
guise of a peppy musical in a post-9/11 environment, but what the production
got was the guy who directed “Home Alone” and “Mrs.
Doubtfire.” “Rent” does fit in nicely with Columbus’s
filmography, as none of his films can deal with the concept of reality.
Dishonorable Mentions: Michael Bay,
for the aforementioned disaster “The Island,”
and Tony Scott, who
continued his string of bombastic, ADD-afflicted stylizations with “Domino.”
“Unleashed”
The film’s first and second acts couldn’t be more different
and change on the stop of a dime – Jet Li, who was kept and raised
as a killing machine by “owner” Bob Hoskins for his illegal
fighting ring, is separated from Hoskins after a car accident and befriends
blind piano teacher Morgan Freeman and pupil Kerry Condon, who teaches
Li some lessons in humanity. So when Hoskins comes back to reclaim his
fighter, Li notes that he doesn’t want to fight anymore, which he
proves by…beating everybody up? Besides this third-act misstep,
“Unleashed” is terrific unconventional entertainment.
Runner-up: “Dark Water”
Brazilian director Walter Salles’s (“Central Station,”
“The Motorcycle Diaries”) English-language debut was this
atmospheric remake of the Japanese horror film, which despite a strong
central performance from Jennifer Connelly, eventually becomes mired in
a series of pointless red herrings and telegraphed scares.
Quasi-honorable Mention: “Flightplan,”
an updated version of Hitchcock’s “The Lady Vanishes”
that gave Jodie Foster her first starring vehicle since “Panic Room,”
which was completely grounded in the realism that “Flightplan”
chooses to ignore.
“Sahara”
It’s hard to dislike a movie that somehow connects a treasure hunt
for a missing Civil War battleship in the Sahara desert with a subplot
involving a World Health Organization worker’s search for a source
of a mysterious ailment that is killing African villagers, and not just
in the arbitrary romance between Matthew McConaughey and Penelope Cruz.
Steve Zahn is a delight as McConaughey’s sidekick, but this film
is so cheerfully loopy that almost everyone can be considered comic relief.
Runner-up: “Into the Blue”
An opportunity to gaze at Jessica Alba in revealing swimwear for two hours
disguised as a lazy underwater “thriller,” this box office
dud allows ample opportunity to ruminate on what bad actors Alba, Paul
Walker, Scott Caan, and Ashley Scott are. In perhaps the film’s
most inadvertently hilarious moment, Alba actually calls Scott a “coke
whore.”
Quasi-honorable Mentions: “A
Sound of Thunder,” which combines poorly conceived
CGI dinosaurs, nonsensical scientific prattle, gaping logical loopholes,
and another game performance by Ben Kingsley; and the Rennie Harlin-directed
“Mindhunters,”
which pits serial killer profilers amongst themselves and features such
clever dialogue as “They don’t let killers in the FBI!”
“The Dukes of Hazzard”
Willie Nelson’s third-grade jokes (“You know what happens
when a politician takes Viagra? He gets taller!”) are the closest
the movie gets to eliciting giggles, but it’s best to save your
movie rental fee and buy a box of Bazooka Joe instead.
Runner-up: “Son of the Mask”
Nothing like a grotesque, green-faced CGI baby to break those chuckles
out!
Dishonorable Mentions: “The
Man,” which lowers Samuel L. Jackson to new levels
of banality and does nothing to advance the stereotyping of Eugene Levy;
the painfully unfunny rom-com “Monster-in-Law”;
two laugh-free sports comedy vehicles for comedians who’ve seen
better days: Will Ferrell’s “Kicking
& Screaming” and Martin Lawrence’s “Rebound”;
and two family-themed farces aimed at families that let the television
do the babysitting: “Yours, Mine,
and Ours” and “Cheaper
by the Dozen 2.”
Social consciousness cinema
Dubbed by wags as the “White Liberal Guilt” film, the social
consciousness picture takes it upon itself to inform, educate, and enlighten
filmgoers to current hot-button topics. Though the message can be heavy-handed
at times, the intentions of these movies are noble, and 2005 saw a slew
of them, dealing with a variety of controversial topics: racism (“Crash”),
terrorism (“Munich”), government witch-hunts (“Good
Night, and Good Luck”), homophobia (“Brokeback Mountain”),
and machinations in the oil industry (“Syriana”) and the pharmaceutical
industry (“The Constant Gardener”).
Runner-up: Woody Allen
Plumbing Dostoyevsky-ian waters for the first time since “Crime
and Misdemeanors,” Woody delivered in “Match Point”
his most vital film in ages, showing us a hope that he hasn’t lost
his touch after all.
Honorable Mentions: Raunchy romantic
comedies haven’t been this in vogue since the 1980’s,
and this year saw the releases of “Wedding Crashers”
and “The 40-Year-Old Virgin,” both of which
combined T&A with TLC in surprisingly effective ways; Wes
Craven for his brazen return to form with the airplane
thriller “Red Eye”; and Bruce Willis,
for what seems like the perfect valedictory role in “Sin
City,” though if he continues to make crap, he will wind
up in the following category…
Jane Fonda Returning
to the big screen for the first time since 1990’s “Stanley
& Iris,” Fonda decided that “Monster-in-Law”
would be worthy for a comeback. She may have been right, but apparently,
no one told her that the movie was a comedy. Her spastic, sociopathic
mannerisms and over-the-top cartoon villainy are much too disturbing for
a psychological drama, let alone fluff like this. Let’s hope she
doesn’t return for another 15 years.
Runner-up: Michael Keaton
Apparently still miffed that they didn’t offer him “Batman
Begins,” Keaton decided to make “White Noise”
instead. The only noise created by the movie was Keaton calling up his
agent.
Dishonorable Mentions: Martin Lawrence,
desperately mugging his way through “Rebound,”
and the once highly sought Christian
Slater, still trudging along with dreck like “Alone
in the Dark” and “Mindhunters.”
And that’s a wrap! If you’ve made it this far, you can send all
praise, questions, comments, and hate mail directly to me.
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